Lardass Hogan

My new kicks and inspiration for power-walking.

Remember the tale of Lardass Hogan from the movie Stand by Me? Gordy told the story. You remember, Lardass was a fat kid who entered a pie-eating contest to get revenge on all of the townspeople (including his own brother and sister) who bullied him for being overweight. Right before the contest, he chugs some castor oil and eats a raw egg. Then, after eating several blueberry pies, he barfs all over everyone. Well, people, I'm hear to tell you, I am Lardass Hogan. Except, no one really calls me Lardass, and I am not going to enter into a pie-eating contest in order to spew chunks on folks. What it boils down to is this: I have a lard ass. This is thanks to Julian and Jonas. Well, actually, it is thanks to all of those burritos and 4-ways I scarfed down while pregnant. My state of plumpness is also owing to my complete lack of exercise and ignorance of nutrition. So, in spirit of the new year, one of my many resolutions was to lose weight. I got some new kicks to inspire me, and for extra motivation there is talk of participating in the Flying Pig in May.

I want to apologize in advance for flaking on this endeavor. It seems as though I do not have a great history with keeping up with exercise and diets. See Pineapple on Pizza, Bacon, This Diet Thing, They're all gonna laugh at you!, I'm Practically Svelte, and I Survived.

At any rate, sit back and get ready to point and laugh as I try to not eat Big Boys or drink chocolate milkshakes on a bi-weekly basis. I hope I don't become too angry due to withdrawals.

Day 1 of losing lard ass: I power-walked around the Woods.

Another New Year's resolution was to limit the use of bad words in my vocabulary (including "ass"...I am already failing). This is extra hard considering it is basketball season. At least we got that Louisville game out of the way before the New Year! Tonight's game wasn't so bad at all. It was a cupcake game. Blowout city! It even put Jules to sleep.

There were some pretty nasty dunks, lots of good defense, and some good 3-point shooting, but I don't get too excited when the opponent is Eastern Michigan. Call me when we are schooling a ranked opponent (but I still like this team).

What else? What else? Oh yes. I present to you Miss January Goat in Tree: