Things That Happen to Me

The bridge of my nose is red and puffy. There was a vicious assault at Target today. I was brutally attacked by a Yahtzee Jr. Disney Princesses board game. And that wasn't the worst of it. I almost cried because it hurt so bad, but I couldn't because some dumb kid came over there and was all, "You scared me [about 5 games fell on me in this process]!" Then, the little weirdo said, "I have a squirrel." And she did. She had this dumb squirrel toy that moved when you pushed a button.

Today I noticed that when I get mad or when Douglas annoys me, I growl like Mr. Niles. At first, it started as a joke, but now, I do it regularly. And I thought squirrel girl was a weirdo.

I take my wedding rings off as soon as I get home from work. I put them in my jewelry box; however, I put them in the earring section of my jewelry box. Every damn morning, I go to get my wedding rings and I cannot find them. I have a panic attack. "DOUG! Oh my God, DOUG! I can't find my rings!!! Wake up! I can't find my rings!! Wait, never mind. They're in with my earrings." Every damn morning.