Snuggie

I need a Snuggie for work. (Doug Bear, don't even mention that stupid blanket I purchased from Wal-Mart.) It is so freaking cold in our office that at times, I feel as though my frozen fingers will break-off whilst typing. Why do they insist on keeping it so cold? Ugh. Maybe someone will bring a Snuggie to the white elephant exchange and I will claim it! Victory will be mine.

Mine and Doogie's Christmas was very merry. How was yours? The festivities started on Wednesday, December 22nd. On this day, we took off for the center of the universe. We arrived at our destination around 9 o'clock. Beetle was up waiting on us. The next morning, Doogie had to work from home, and I had to take Beetle to Wal-Mart. (Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Wal-Mart? Good grief! Have you ever seen the likes that frequent that god-forsaken store? The other day we went to Wal-Mart in CVG, and I had to think really hard to determine if I was in Hazard or CVG. People may rag on the ole 'Zard, but let me tell you, there's some rough-lookin' folk in ole Fort Wright!) Anyhow, Beetle and I set out for Wal-Mart at the crack of dawn in hopes of beating the crowd. Thank goodness we did! We were in and out in less than an hour! That has to be some sort of record. We split up to cover more ground quickly. Once we got out of that hell hole, we had to hit the liquor store. Bet you would never think that, huh?! Doug Bear was making some soup that called for red wine, which Wal-Mart doesn't sell. (I would've killed for a Kroger.) So, me and Beetlejuice headed out for Village Spirits to get our red wine. Of course, I don't know a darn thing about wine, so I had to ask the redneck cashier what to buy. She was kind enough to put down her Doral Menthol cig to come help me. Gag a maggot. Only in Hazard can you openly smoke your cig while checking out a customer. Makes me sick.

I 'bout got sick driving home on Christmas Eve. It was coming a blizzard by the time we hit Lexington, and guess who was driving...in the dark! Yep, that's right, yours truly. Codar and Doug nearly got to witness a nervous breakdown. I ain't proud of it. The phrases, "I'm going to vomit." "I can't see." "I'm going to cry." "We're sliding! We're sliding! We're going to die!" were muttered a few hundred times while I was behind the wheel. For some reason, Doug was very eager for me to get off at the first exit. I was relieved to hop into the passenger's seat. I cannot drive in snow...or in the dark. Thank the Lord the snow stopped in Georgetown! Oh, and I'd also like to add that we didn't slide. I asked Codar and Doug once I had calmed down. They didn't feel anything. It was my mind playing tricks on me. This is why I stay home when it snows. I'm the person people warn you about. "These damn people in Cincinnati don't know how to drive when it snows." Yep, that'd be me.