My little bro...

...is going to college. Yep, I about fainted when I heard that one! He'll be going to Hazard Community College with Codar and Curtis. Good for him! I hope he takes it seriously and that it does some good for him. We shall see. Why are little brothers so much trouble?

Troublesome Creek is a good fishing hole, according to my little brother. When my Pap was sick, Aunt Kathy was trying to get him to eat something, anything. She said, "Dad, what about stopping at McDonald's and getting a fish sandwich?" She stopped and got him the sandwich. When Mommaw was feeding it to him, he said, "You reckon they caught this out of Troublesome?" Even when sick he was a jokester. : ) Little Obi Wan, Pap's best friend forever, is sick. Mom said that Obi's daughter asked Obi, "How is it going, dad?" and he replied, "Good. Me and Forrest just got out of physical therapy." Sad, but sweet. He's dreaming about Pap. I hope someday when I'm dead and gone, maybe ole Jenna or Eller will dream about me. Best friends even in dreamworld.

FA

Fatties Anonymous...it's like AA but for fat kids. Instead of talking about how long we've been without booze, we'd gather to talk about how long it's been since we've downed a poptart or had a double-dip of UDF chocolate chip ice cream. That would be such a sad lot. Poor bastards. Poor, hungry, bastards. I'd be their leader.

Carnivore

Well, it's been a great run, but I think I am going to call it quits on the vegetarian experiment. I've been thinking about it for the past couple of weeks, and finally decided today (though, I have yet to eat meat). It was all that talk about meatloaf today. Mmm, meatloaf is so good! How I miss beef and pork! Lasagna! Cheeseburgers! Spaghetti with meatballs! Meatsauce! Hotdogs! Bacon, mmm! Sausage! I have to go back to that glorious, carnivorous lifestyle of yore. I will ease in gently, as not to destroy my digestive system, but little by little, I shall return to eating bacon cheeseburgers like it's my job! Mmm cheeseburgers.

Cheeseburgers at Zola's on Friday, if you're interested. Zola's burgers were ranked #24 among Cincinnati's top 40 burgers. Are you ready to go face-to-face with a dead cow? Full-on meatdom. A wise man once sang....

"Tried to amend my carnivorous habits
Made it nearly 70 days
Losin' weight without speed, eatin' sunflower seeds
Drinkin' lots of carrot juice and soakin' up rays

But at night I'd had these wonderful dreams
Some kind of sensuous treat
Not zucchini, fettucini, or Bulgar wheat
But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat

Cheeseburger in paradise (paradise)
Heaven on earth with an onion slice (paradise)
Not too particular not too precise (paradise)
I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise"

They're all gonna laugh at you!

They're all gonna laugh at me because I am a fatso. This morning, my dress did not fit. Depression. So, I have started a new diet/exercise regimen. From now on, I shall use the stairs at work and I will refrain from eating chips. I need to lose weight in order to not be a lard ass and to look like Super Woman for Halloween, not a beached whale.








Well, I made my potato soup tonight. It was awesome!!

Ingredients:
3 potatoes, cubed
1 (5.5 ounce) package au gratin instant potato mix
1 (10.5 ounce) can chicken broth
1 1/2 cups water
1 cup heavy cream
Some velveeta and American cheese (to taste)

Directions:
In a large saucepan or pot, combine potatoes, au gratin potato mix, chicken broth and water. Add more water to cover if necessary. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until potatoes are tender, about 40 minutes. Stir in cream and heat through. Serve.

Serve Jesus and serve your taste buds! I also made my Baptist Pie tonight. Dang! It tastes heavenly!

Ingredients:
1 can Eagle brand sweetened milk
1 can mandarin oranges, drained
1 can crushed pineapples, drained
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 8 oz container cool whip
1 cup pecans, chopped
2 graham cracker crusts

Directions:
Mix mandarin oranges, pineapples, and Eagle brand milk. Add lemon juice. Stir in pecans and cool whip. Spread in pie crusts. Refrigerate. Chill 4 hours.


Hours of complaining about being fat and here I cooked these calorie- and fat-ridden foods. But! But! I did take a walk! I walked around Wallace Woods, and Doogie joined me! He even bought me a new iPod shuffle to take on future walks. It's green and super cool. Oh, and I forgot what my running shoes looked like! They are cute! I am going to be stylin' and profilin' walking around WW. I wonder if I should take some cat treats in my pocket to feed to the precious kittens in the woods. Maybe I should.

I'm pleasant...

"I'm pleasant! Dammit, I'm pleasant! I saw Drum Eatonton at the Piggly Wiggly and smiled at the son-of-a-bitch before I could catch myself!"

--Ouiser from Steel Magnolias

This is how I feel when I see hags and smile at them without thinking about it first. I'm just too nice, I guess.

Babies and Baptist Pie

Oh, I forgot to mention how Beetle unleashed on Boomer this weekend regarding babies. I had just explained last week to my bestie that my family doesn't harass its women about having children. Well, boy was I wrong. Here we (Beetle, Boomer, and me) were chopping up veggies for a salad telling about friends who were expecting, when all of a sudden Beetle unleashed:

Beetle: [to Boomer] I'll tell you right where you are heading...you are going to end up just like Bert (Bert is Ripley's Aunt who is sick and on her deathbed and has no one to take care of her because she never had any children). You're going to be all alone and your cats will be dead and gone.Boomer: Mommaw! I can't believe you said that to me. You sure know how to make a girl feel good.

Beetle: Well, don't get mad, I'm just stating facts. You're going to end up just like Bert.

Me: Don't worry, Boomer, my babies will take care of you!

Beetle: Your babies? What babies?! You need to get with it, too.

And now we know how the Beetle feels about it. She's just statin' the facts.

Fact #2: Tomorrow I shall make a Baptist Pie. Pictures to accompany recipe and results.

What a long, strange, 4 days it's been.

The past 4 days have flown by; I have done so much since then, in such little time! I've journeyed to the center of the universe; saw the hottest rock band in the world; got a new closet built just for me, to house my bed clothes; got an original Beetle-Cornett-made Halloween tablecloth; bought some tile for the upstairs bathroom; ate some fried green tomatoes; wrote a protocol (boo! How dare I even discuss WORK on a fun-filled blog); perused more recipes; bought some Christmas presents (it's never too soon to start Christmas shopping); got the scoop on the black bear storming around Combs Branch, eating Denny Ray's peaches; witnessed a small boy eat a large burger (triple baconator to be exact); laughed hysterically at the expense of my dearest cousin/sister and the orc mask; tried a sausage gravy breakfast and paid dearly; had a sad departure with cousin Codar; and drank a Peach Nehi. A pretty good 4 days, if you ask me!


Me and Codar had a blast at the concert. KISS was awesome. Now, I only know about 4 Kiss songs, but you don't even need to know any to appreciate the show. For starters, their entrance was straight up rock-n-roll: fireworks, rebel yells, smoke, screeching guitars, plain ole fire, moving stages, Catman rising from the pits of hell, etc. Rock yer face off! As the show progressed, we saw Ace Frehley shoot explosives from his guitar. Gene Simmons was in full fire-breathing, tongue-shaking, blood-spitting rock-n-roll Demon mode. Peter Criss was killing it on the drums. And of course, the Starchild was brilliant, flying out above the masses, gettin' groovy for the Nati. Hell, we even said the pledge of allegiance to the United States of America. Oh, and they played a little Led for our head.

Heading back to Dwarf Labor Day weekend, I hope. This visiting for 1 day jazz is getting old. I like spending time with my Mommaw. I wish she lived closer. She is so hilarious with her commentary on the Reds baseball games, pop culture (Mommaw on Mel Gibson--"That man needs his head examined." She is thoroughly perturbed by Mel, and I highly doubt she has ever seen one of his movies), and Papaw's sisters (Mommaw on Papaw's sisters--"Them women 'round yonder would drive anybody insane. They asked Bob what the black bear looked like. Like he knew! Denny Ray saw it. Bob didn't run out and measure it.") She also told us about her dream--she had a dream she saw a copperhead and that Uncle Glenn killed it, chopped it up into 3 pieces. "Good grief! What a dream! When you dream of a copperhead, that means one's lurking around. You better stay out of them weeds and the tomatoes!"--Uncle Bob to Mommaw.