The Hardest Button to Button

It is my belief that Jack White wrote, "The Hardest Button to Button" after trying to button a 3 month old's sleeper in the middle of the night after changing a diaper.

Today on my way home from work, I saw a guy pushing a stroller on the sidewalk in the lovely town of Covington. As I got closer to him, I noticed that his baby was actually several cases of Monster energy drinks. This reminds me of a time Doogie and I were driving down the same street and saw a woman pushing a stroller; her baby turned out to be a car battery. What?

Well, tonight, children, I have watched too many scary shows. I told myself that I was done with these creepy shows, and that I was only going to watch shows that make me happy. And now I've sat here and watched hours of True Blood and American Horror Story. True Blood may not be scary as you are watching it, but I am here to tell you that it makes you have strange vampire dreams. I am not interested in having dreams about crazy, demented murderers, vampires, werewolves, wack-job nuns, and evil Farmer Hoggetts. But, I fear it is going to happen tonight.

Good news about watching scary shows on FX: I saw a promo for the new season of Justified! Holler! My life is in need of some Boyd Crowder.

Do you ever wonder how it is that out of the 311 million or so Americans we got stuck with 2 bozos to choose from for the presidency? Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself for not caring or keeping up with politics. I mean, look at all the men and women who fought throughout history just so I could have the right to vote, and here I don't care one lick about who wins the election. I'm so disinterested that I don't even want to vote (but I will, of course). I need to at least visit the candidates' websites and read up on them. I don't get much from the debates; they are too uncomfortable for me to watch. Watching the debates is like watching an episode of The Office. I just feel so uncomfortable.

In other news, I was reminded this week that I am an old southern woman and I say things that confuse city folk. No one knows what a buggy is (a shopping cart). And people look at me like I'm a nut when I ask about their druthers. Allison Jones, confusing folks since 1983.

They (FX television network) need to stop showing that damn preview for Paranormal Activity 4. It is midnight. It is dark. Everyone is asleep but me. I don't like seeing chicks flying above their bed due to supernatural forces while I'm sitting here in my century-old house (you know, the type of house that is always haunted) all alone in the dark. Not cool, people. Not cool.

Did I mention everyone is asleep? I better go to bed before the little dudes wake up!