Where the heck have you been?

Gertrude the Gray.

I am Michael Bolton. Not the mullet sporting soft rock ballad singer. The little dorky dude with a love for gangster rap from Office Space. I realized this yesterday while I was cruising down the road in my hardcore Honda Odyssey listening to Easy E. I didn't turn the volume down at any time, but a friend suggested that maybe I should. Whatever. I know nothing in life but to be legit.

Minivan? Oh yeah. I'm rolling in Gertrude the Gray. An 8-passenger hoss! Don't hate.

Speaking of hate. I'm about to puke my brains out knowing that the Louisville Cardinals are playing in the national title game and my beloved Wildcats didn't even make the tournament. Just checked the score and the dirty birds are down by 12. That cheers me up a bit. "Let's keep the title in Kentucky," they say. Not me. I hate Louisville. I shall never cheer for them. Ever. Hate.

The other day I was at the chiropractor and there was a little dude in the office and he had the following conversation with his mother.

Little Dude: Mom, what's wiener?
Mother: What?
Little Dude: Is wiener a boy name or a girl name. I heard someone called wiener at school today.
Mother: Wiener really isn't a name, honey.

I look forward to having these conversations with my guys. Of course, they'll probably be the kids calling somebody a wiener.

We were shopping for car seats a couple weeks ago. I was pushing the stroller and singing to the boys. "Welcome to our learning farm..." The cashier followed up with, "We have lots to show you." Evidently that V-tech sit-to-stand learning walker is a big hit with lots of babies.