Closet Cusser

Children, Boomer says that Beetle is a closet cusser (i.e., she likes to cuss but only does so when she tells jokes or stories repeated as they were told to her) and I have to agree. I ventured down to Dwarf this weekend for Labor Day and wasn't in the house no more than an hour before she was dropping the bombs. First, she said that she wanted to get my cousin (who shall remain nameless) a t-shirt for Christmas that read, "Professional Smart A$$" across the front. She then went on to tell me of a shirt that I needed to purchase, "My family tree has some freaking twisted branches." Now, I know "freaking" isn't really a cuss word, but I tell you what, it is hilarious hearing it from a 79 year old Mommaw! After those 2 gems, she relayed an Aunt Eunice tale to me:


Matt Bowman worked as a cook at Campton Elementary where Eunice taught. She was a lively woman and didn't give no mind to what came out of her mouth, colorful or otherwise. When something excited her, the phrase she always let out was, "Shut your mouth!" Well, she was down at Eunice's one night and Eunice had told her some big tale, Lord knows what was said, but Matt rared back her head and hollered, "Shut your mouth!" Now, Bethel, who was about 6 or 7 at the time, had been in the kitchen playing while the women were talking. He looked up at Matt and said, "Mrs. Bowman, why do you always tell my mother to shut her mouth?" Matt let out an awful cackle and said, "Oh, Eunice, listen at the little son of a bitch!" 


Beetle is so awesome.