A Solemn Vow

The time has come, children. I know I say this all the time, and you're tired of it, but this time, it is for real: I HAVE TO START EATING BETTER! The thing that pushed me over the edge was that deep-fried zinger I had at Bard's. Let me put it to you like this: Monday for supper I had a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and fries. Tuesday for supper I had chicken nuggets and fries. Last night for supper I had 5 Guys Burger and fries. Today for lunch, I had a 4-way at Goldstar. For supper, I had a cheeseburger at Bard's (but no fries, see, I'm already eating healthier!) and a fried zinger for dessert. I feel like a beached whale. I am probably the greasiest, fattest woman alive. I have 10 chins. Honest. I saw them in the mirror while I was giving myself a pre-blog pep-talk. I'm writing this blog to inform you that I shan't be accompanying you to dinner anymore (for the time being, at least not to my usual eateries of choice), so don't ask. You know I'm weak! Don't offer me any candy or cake either (unless it's those macaroons, Sarah, you know I can't say no to those) because you know I'll take them and scarf them down without a second thought. I'm a fat kid. Candy is my favorite thing. If one was to look at the pictures on my camera, you would find that the majority of them is of food. Why do I take pictures of food? I have a sickness, people!

I, Alli G, do solemnly swear to refrain from eating food that has to be dabbed with a paper towel in order to remove grease puddles before eating. I also vow to not eat anymore deep-fried anythings, unless of course they are mini-corndogs, that is the one exception. I vow to go back to my earlier vow of eating at least one serving of vegetables a day (how adult of me) and refraining from indulging in those delectable breakfast pastries known as poptarts. Welcome to hell.