How to Eat a Cinnamon Roll

People, I am obsessed with food. Now, don't get confused. I am not a foodie. I don't have to shop organic. I have no qualms with gluten. Sugar is my beloved. Carbohydrates are my friends. And I'd probably rather eat my hat than shell out $50 for a plate at some fancy eatery.

What I am referring to is yummy, scrumptious, make-you-happy food. The food dreams are made of. You know what I'm talking about? Gingerbread. Chicken and dumplings. Soup beans. Corn bread. Fried Taters. Bacon. Pancakes. Cheesy fries. Giant burritos. Donuts. Fried chicken. Fried apple pies. Anything fried. Coconut cake.

The food of your fondest memories. And that, my dear friends, is what brings me to this post. My latest food obsession is creating meals and memories for my children. Right now, all they eat is chicken nuggets and rice and beans, but I am still thinking about what they'll be eating when they're a little bigger. What will they miss most when they go to college? "I can't wait to get home and have Mom make me some of her lasagna or a big pot of skyline!" Will they associate blueberry pancakes with Christmas morning? Will the smell of goetta frying instantly send them back to 125 Wallace? What yummy goodness will be their 'Beetle's vegetable soup'?

Whatever it may be, I hope that it brings as much joy to Jonas as his first cinnamon roll did.

How to Eat a Cinnamon Roll, by Jonas G.

Unhinge jaw.

Insert roll.

That's it. Really shove it in there.

Might seem painful, but trust me, this is
the only way to eat a cinnamon roll.

Close your mouth and chew.

*Not pictured: after inhaling your cinnamon roll, take your brother's.