Ummm.

Maybe referring to her as Monster and Creature has done some real damage.

One of her latest pieces of artwork.

Also, when playing dolls, she always makes me play Anna (naturally, she's Queen Elsa). Should I be scared?

The Funny One

At the movies with this bunch today. Paddington 2.

Last night Julian told me, “Mom, you’re really bad at iPads.” He also told me over the weekend that, “You do Netflix really wrong.” It’s all true. My 5 year old is better at technology than I am.

How I get so angry when I cannot operate my device!! I want to scream profanities, but I cannot, which makes me even angrier. “WHY, TABLET, MUST YOU RETURN TO THIS FREAKING SCREEN? I DID NOT ASK YOU TO GO TO THIS SCREEN. I JUST WANT TO READ A BOOK. WHERE ARE MY BOOKS STORED? WHY CAN I NOT TOUCH THE BOOK ICON AND BE TAKEN TO THE BOOKS? I SHOULD’VE JUST BOUGHT A DAMN BOOK.” Deep inhale. Slow exhale. Do not throw tablet. Do not throw tablet.

I wonder what it’ll be like as they (my children) get older, and I get even worse at technology. It’ll be like the time my Pappaw said, “Reckon how they got that big buck to go into the gym like that?” In response to an insurance commercial with a CGI deer. I’ll be Pappaw. They’ll be me, sniggering in the background. Julian won’t even snigger, he’ll openly mock me as he does now. He thinks he’s so funny.

He actually said to Doug that he considers himself to be the funny brother. "Jonas is the cute one, and I am the funny one," he says. What a riot!

A Story by Kate

"Once upon a time there was a little girl named Kate. Her best friend was named Mommy. Kate said, 'Mommy, let's make cupcakes! What do we need?' and Mommy said, 'Eggs!' 'Great job, Mommy.' Then Kate mixed the batter and baked the cupcakes.

Then we had to fight a dragon with swords. We rode horses with wings. Our friends helped us. Rainbow Dash and Becca and Tassa and my brothers.

Then we gave the dragon tacos and cupcakes and he was happy.

The end."

Jonas's Friend, Jack

You all know how much we love Halloween. And you know that we appreciate a good horror story. But friends, things are getting real at the Halloween House.

Jonas has a friend. His name is Jack. He is not a school friend. He sees him in the doorway and sometimes through the window. He goes to the trampoline with him.

Jack is a big boy. He's 16. He wears a green shirt.

Jack can clap his hands and make the lights turn dark blue. And sometimes when Jonas turns off the lights, Jack climbs up to the ceiling.

Y'all. I've survived bats and snakes, but I don't know if I can survive Jack. This might be the part in the movie where we get the hell out of dodge.

Fine Arts Festival

Tonight was the Fine Arts Festival at the boys' school. I think the award for finest work of art goes to Jonas. I present to you, Abraham Lincoln.

His teacher recounted the artist's mindset whilst creating:

Teacher: What are you making, Jonas?
Jonas: Abraham Lincoln.
**Teacher writes, "Abe Lincoln" on paper displaying the work.**
Jonas: Not Abe! Abraham! Like me, Jonas Abraham.

Abraham Lincoln shops at Fresh Thyme

Little known facts about Abraham Lincoln as told to me tonight by Julian:

George Washington was our first president, and Abraham Lincoln is our current president. He lives in a blue house, and has a really, really cool, big hat. He's from Kentucky, just like us. 

Abraham Lincoln does his grocery shopping at Fresh Thyme. What does he buy, you ask? Well, he buys apples, pears, and chips! What else? After he finishes grocery shopping, he goes home and then goes outside to play. He likes to swing really, really high and jump out! And most importantly, Abraham Lincoln likes to eat brownies on his sandwiches--it's delicious!

Jonas?

This morning, Jonas woke up as a different dude.

He was British: "Mum, I want to go to the sea side. Can we go on holiday?"

Too much Peppa Pig, perhaps?

He said that BLUE was his favorite color. Now, I realize that blue is the best color, but he's a PURPLE man!

Lastly, he's turned coldhearted toward his dear Mother. We all know that Jonas is naturally a little cold, I mean, he earned the name Jonasty. But he's always been a Mama's boy. Sigh...hear it for yourselves, folks. The dude just wants a pet.