My Book About Cars by Jonas

Today when I cleaned out the boys' backpacks, I found a special treat: a book by Jonas. When he becomes a New York Times best-selling author, you can always say you read and loved his work before he was famous.

My Book About Cars by Jonas

there was a boy who love cars / his car was cool

he got a toy car / he got a lot of cars

then he loved his cars / the end.

Jonas's Friend, Jack

You all know how much we love Halloween. And you know that we appreciate a good horror story. But friends, things are getting real at the Halloween House.

Jonas has a friend. His name is Jack. He is not a school friend. He sees him in the doorway and sometimes through the window. He goes to the trampoline with him.

Jack is a big boy. He's 16. He wears a green shirt.

Jack can clap his hands and make the lights turn dark blue. And sometimes when Jonas turns off the lights, Jack climbs up to the ceiling.

Y'all. I've survived bats and snakes, but I don't know if I can survive Jack. This might be the part in the movie where we get the hell out of dodge.

Jonas?

This morning, Jonas woke up as a different dude.

He was British: "Mum, I want to go to the sea side. Can we go on holiday?"

Too much Peppa Pig, perhaps?

He said that BLUE was his favorite color. Now, I realize that blue is the best color, but he's a PURPLE man!

Lastly, he's turned coldhearted toward his dear Mother. We all know that Jonas is naturally a little cold, I mean, he earned the name Jonasty. But he's always been a Mama's boy. Sigh...hear it for yourselves, folks. The dude just wants a pet.

Boggle

When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to do was play Boggle with my Mommaw and cousins. In case you don't know, Boggle is a word game. There's a plastic grid and a bunch of blocks with letters, and you try to make words by stringing together adjacent letters. Got it? It's also timed, and you get double points for words greater than 5 letters.

Anyway, we used to play it all the time. I remember that we always had to be really quiet when shaking up the letters so we didn't wake up Papaw. Truth be told, I bet we could've shook that thing till the cows came home, and he wouldn't have heard it. Still, we were always very quiet. Except for the laughing. 

Fast forward to now. It's been years since I've played a good round of Boggle. I actually had forgotten it existed, until my buddy brought it over to play a couple of weeks ago.  I was so delighted to see it as it brought back so many fond memories.

That night, we discovered that someone else liked Boggle--the dudes. They liked it so much, that my friend bought them their very own game. Now, obviously, they can't play for real, but they do like to take the blocks and build words. I was playing with Jonas, when he started making words.  "C-A-T. Cat! C-A-R. Car!" He yelled excitedly. "A-S. Ass!"

What a funny guy! I only wish my Mommaw could've been there to hear it.

How to Eat a Cinnamon Roll

People, I am obsessed with food. Now, don't get confused. I am not a foodie. I don't have to shop organic. I have no qualms with gluten. Sugar is my beloved. Carbohydrates are my friends. And I'd probably rather eat my hat than shell out $50 for a plate at some fancy eatery.

What I am referring to is yummy, scrumptious, make-you-happy food. The food dreams are made of. You know what I'm talking about? Gingerbread. Chicken and dumplings. Soup beans. Corn bread. Fried Taters. Bacon. Pancakes. Cheesy fries. Giant burritos. Donuts. Fried chicken. Fried apple pies. Anything fried. Coconut cake.

The food of your fondest memories. And that, my dear friends, is what brings me to this post. My latest food obsession is creating meals and memories for my children. Right now, all they eat is chicken nuggets and rice and beans, but I am still thinking about what they'll be eating when they're a little bigger. What will they miss most when they go to college? "I can't wait to get home and have Mom make me some of her lasagna or a big pot of skyline!" Will they associate blueberry pancakes with Christmas morning? Will the smell of goetta frying instantly send them back to 125 Wallace? What yummy goodness will be their 'Beetle's vegetable soup'?

Whatever it may be, I hope that it brings as much joy to Jonas as his first cinnamon roll did.

How to Eat a Cinnamon Roll, by Jonas G.

Unhinge jaw.

Insert roll.

That's it. Really shove it in there.

Might seem painful, but trust me, this is
the only way to eat a cinnamon roll.

Close your mouth and chew.

*Not pictured: after inhaling your cinnamon roll, take your brother's.

How a Bear Eats a Raspberry

Jonas the Messy Eater

Egg Face Jonas

When you have babies, people are always warning you about dirty diapers, sleepless nights, binky dependency. No one ever tells you what a pain it is to feed children. Most people even think it is fun! I used to be one of those people.

They used to open their mouths. Now they have stone lips. They used to sit still. Now they thrash around in their chairs, prop their ole feet up on the trays, and smack their dear mother's hands (and thereby spoonful of food) away from their mouths. Why won't they eat? They are trying to kill me.

Since they are now big boys, they eat "snacks." Gerber makes little puff treats that are basically cereal that melts in your mouth. And since the boys have no teeth, this is an ideal snack. I'll put a few puffers (that's what we call them) on their tray and let them snack while I go about getting their main course prepared. Fast forward a few minutes and I'm feeding the dudes. They take a few bites and begin to squirm. Shortly thereafter, their little hands will disappear as they dig around in their seats. Voila! Jonas pulls out his hand and a long lost puffer is revealed. And shoved directly into his mouth. Now, I know that these high chairs are clean, and that I vacate all "lost puffers" from the premises immediately after each meal, but this fishing around in the crevices of seats for snacks ordeal still makes me a little ill. If they pull this stunt at a restaurant, I will simply die. "Get used to it. They're boys." I know. I know.

Oh, and one last thing about feeding babies--the following chain of events really really sucks: opening a jar of chicken noodle puree (that stuff staaaanks to high heaven); feeding a heaping spoonful to baby; baby sneezes; chicken noodle sprays everywhere; baby wipes mouth thereby getting chicken noodle on hands; baby wipes all over face and hair with chicken noodle covered hand. Now baby has this hairdo.

Styling product? Chicken noodle!

For the record, Julian is just as messy.