Editing the Narrative

Word is a lot of folks doctor up their pictures to present a more perfect narrative of their lives for the world to see on social media.

Perfect seats. Center. No big heads in front of us.

I thought about that last night.

I wanted to post these pictures to Facebook of our family outing to see The Nutcracker.

For years I've been wanting to take the kids to see this show. Every year I say, "Maybe next year they'll be old enough to enjoy it." Well, we've gone to several movies, plays, and family POPS performances, and the children have been able to sit through each and have even enjoyed them. And Kate is in dance class! So, this was our year.

The lights dim, the curtains begin to rise, all of Music Hall is quiet. The only sound to be heard is....that of an entire box of skittles hitting the floor. Sounded like a million marbles on the run.

And I could smile because it wasn't my kids who were responsible. It was that poor lady a couple of rows back. I feel your pain, Mama.

Nope, my precious children sat there like good little angels. I was thrilled and very much looking forward to seeing their faces light up for the Rat King.

We were about 10 minutes in when Julian asked, "When's this going to be over?" And a few minutes later, Kate declared herself to be "bored" and asked, "why isn't there any talking in this movie." And then a minute after that, Jonas was laying across the seats looking miserable. They get their lack of appreciation for the theater from their Dad by the way.

Not even a chuckle for the Rat King!!!

The only time they were happy during the show.

Act 1 ended and the lights came on for intermission. For the first time since the show started, I saw joy on their faces. Jonas jumped up and yelled, "Yay! It's finally over!"

And then my family left me. Doug, Kate, Jonas, and Julian. They filed out of there, and I watched Act 2 all by my lonesome (which was lovely).

So you see, I couldn't post the pictures last night because you needed to hear the whole story.


And to the old broad sitting behind us, you're welcome for the insight on what it's like to take twin 7-year old boys to the ballet. You were right not to bring your grandsons.

210 Days til Christmas

June is just 3 days away and today has been the first time since December that I have listened to Christmas music. I know what you are thinking--WHAT?! I can hardly believe it myself, but it is true. Winter and I did not have a good relationship this year. Winter was a brutal, horrid thing that lingered on for far too long. In protest of Winter the Jerk, I (read: Doug) took down my Christmas tree, snowmen, and all holiday decor uncharacteristically early this year. I thought by leaving them up I was somehow egging Winter on, and it really needed to leave. I mean, do you remember that mess? The 20 below 0 days! Ugh, unbelievable. Anyway, now that it's 70 degrees in the mornings, and I am fairly confident that Winter is actually over, when Old Blue Eyes started crooning, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" this morning, I let that tune run, baby. It was nice. Got my yuletide cheer brewing. I mean, there are only 210 days til Christmas. Plus, this Christmas I'll, ahem, Santa, will have another little one to spoil.

Speaking of my spoiled children, I just want you to know what happens to your purse when you have 2

rotten boys you haul around. Remember when your purse used to hold lipstick (okay, so chapstick is basically the same thing, right?), tampons (eeek, men can't read the T word), breath mints, and your wallet? Well, move over useful junk, make way for the new contents of Mama's purse: hot wheels and chocolate chip mini muffins. Who needs that wallet anyway? With two babies, you never have any money!

I'll leave you with a Dwarf story.

I saw a friend's facebook status this morning and was reminded of this little memory Beetle shared with me a couple weekends ago:
When your uncle was a little boy, he told me, "Mother, when I get older, I am going to marry you." I told him, "Honey, we don't marry our mothers." And he snapped back, "Well, I'll marry Mommaw then. I'm getting me a woman who can cook!"

Post-Christmas Happenings

Wendy's Snowman

So, even though Christmas is over, I am still enjoying my holiday season and my welcomed vacation from work. Yesterday, Doogie, the boys, and me set out to go do a little post-Christmas shopping. As soon as we hopped in the car, the snow started coming down like no other. We decided we'd be brave and head on out. Well, that lasted about a block. Joe Bear was griping, which was making it difficult for Doog to concentrate on driving in the snow, so we decided to go back home. Once we turned into our driveway, however, we looked back to check on the boys and they were both sawing logs. We didn't want to wake them, so we decided we'd just drive around the neighborhood a few times. Boy, the Woods is full of such beautiful homes. Most of them were decorated for Christmas and snow-covered. It was lovely to see them all. Driving around your neighborhood for 45 minutes may sound completely lame, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. We popped outside of the Woods to grab a burger at Wendy's. There, the crew had built a little snowman to greet the drive-thru customers. We searched high and low for something to fashion a nose, eyes, and/or mouth for Frosty (what a perfect name for a Wendy's snowman), but alas, we came up empty-handed. As we were waiting on our food, the cashier was attempting to make him a smile out of a red onion, but the onion wouldn't stick in the snow.

Did you know that this Christmas was the Christmas of shiny things? My favorite of my new shiny items were my locket and my ruby earrings (sweet and sentimental--the boys' birthstone is a ruby). I love them most because not only are they beautiful on their own, but they also remind me of my little boys! Santa has such exquisite taste, and knows me so well; he really must have his eyes open all year long. I do say, it was very difficult trying to find pictures for my locket. No one (i.e., Shutterfly) prints photos small enough for a locket. So, I improvised: I cut the happy baby Santas out of an extra Christmas card! Perfection!

The following comment was not made post-Christmas, but I kept forgetting to write about it. My dear friend said this of my house (and I am paraphrasing because I can't remember the quote verbatim). Ahem:
Your house is perfect for Christmas. It's always warm and there's always a lot of food.
That made me happy.

In other news, I bought 2 Christmas presents today. Only 363 days til CHRISTMAS!

Christmas at Home

Today is the most wonderful day of the year...but all of its wonder is about to end in 42 minutes. Poop. Why can't Christmas come once a month? I guess if it happened so frequently, some of its magic would be lost. 365 days until we meet again, Christmas! And next year, I will be ready. I will be waiting and plotting and I will have my schedule down. We will practice old traditions and we will begin new ones. Yes, sir, 365 days.

Christmas Eve at Mommaw's was a blast (see Christmas in Dwarf: Part 2). When we got home, I made us some lasagna (do I smell new tradition?), we jammed to Christmas tunes, played with babies, sat by the tree, and exchanged gifts with Doogie's family. And because we didn't feel like waiting for Santa (sorry Santy), Doogie and I opened our gifts. Dacian, eat your heart out:

This morning, I woke up at the crack of dawn, which I am sure will unfortunately be a tradition from now until the boys are grown and love sleep as much as their mother. I had planned on making breakfast, but ended up just eating some Apple Jacks. Carol came down around lunch time and put the bird in the oven. The boys opened their Christmas gifts from Aunt Linda. Check out Jonas and his zebra.

Speaking of Jonas, that guy was craaaaaanky today. I think he is ticked that Christmas is about to end. Or maybe his bad mood is due to his massive amount of toe jam. WARNING: Graphic image below.

Just before dinner, the boys got a visit from Santa's helper, Joann the Christmas Elf.

Dinner was AMAZING. Carol, Doogie, and I out did ourselves, people. You should've come over. We had turkey (naturally), gravy, mashed potatoes, dressing, sweet and spicy sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, cranberry relish, and peach pie (and did I mention that there were only 4 of us at dinner?). It was a meal fit for a queen, and, well, I am the Christmas Queen, so I ate until I was about to pop. Downright glorious. 

When everyone had foundered on dinner, we sacked out on the couch to watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I wish you could've heard Carol cackle at the movie. I mean, that movie is hilarious, but it was killing Carol. Her favorite part of the movie (or at least the part that got the biggest reaction, "she was laughing so hard I thought she was having some sort of fit...some sort of medical emergency"--Doug) was when the ice shard flies out of Clark W. Griswold's gutter and straight through his snotty neighbors' window.

After the movie, we opened more presents! We all gave and received a lot of nice jazz, but in particular, I really enjoyed this little gift from Joann. It is a "Worry Angel" that her niece made. The angel says, "I'm your worry angel. Place me on your sill. Now you don't have to worry. Because you know I will."

Ah, beautiful, wonderful, magical, totally awesome Christmas. See you in 365 days!

Christmas in Dwarf: Part 2

Christmas 2012 in Dwarf was a great time. 

Jonas slept in until 9 this morning. When he woke up, he hung out with Uncle Anthony.

After hang-time, Uncle Ant made some delicious deviled eggs. I can't believe deviled eggs aren't on everyone's Christmas dinner menu. Get with it, people, these things rule! 

Check out Jules on his T-Rex.

Opening all of those presents, being held by all of those cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandmas, and jamming to Bob Dylan's Christmas album with Uncle Bob really gets to a guy.

And this guy, too.

Luckily, they still slept all the ride home. Then, when we got home, Joe Bear performed a new trick: pulling off his sock and sticking it in his mouth! 

Julian was not impressed.

Merry Christmas From Aunt Eunice

This is Beetle's Aunt Eunice tree. It is
decorated with Aunt Eunice's jewelry!

 A visit with Aunt Eunice (Mommaw's sister) was one guaranteed to be full of laughs. She was a great story teller, and an unbelievable character! Everyone’s face beamed with joy when they heard Aunt Eunice was coming to Dwarf, especially at Christmas time. Aunt Eunice consistently bought the best Christmas presents. Now, take a moment to ponder what your idea of the best Christmas present would be. And now, sit back and listen to what our idea of the best Christmas present was.

Eunice did her shopping throughout the year, and did it all at the “Catholic Store” (a second hand store run by the one and only Catholic Church in Wolfe County)! One never knew what to expect when receiving these gifts. Why, it could be anything from a classic rain hat (umbrella hat) and poncho to a pair of hot pink silk bloomers! Thus, the excitement surrounding an Aunt Eunice Christmas present was completely justifiable. Aunt Eunice would sometimes visit Dwarf before the holidays, bringing everyone’s Christmas present a little early. If you think for one minute we waited until Christmas to open these, you’ve plum lost your mind! And when one feller is not in Dwarf, but his present is, the others are on the horn, “Your Aunt Eunice present is here. Can we open it?” It doesn’t matter if the person on the phone consented or not, the phone call was just a courtesy. That present was going to be unwrapped!

Aunt Eunice on her tree.

Let’s see if I can remember a few of these precious gifts. There was Glenn, who one year was the proud recipient of some barely-worn hiking boots; unfortunately, the boots were 2 different sizes, neither of which matched his foot. Curtis got a nice set of cufflinks, too bad someone else’s initials were engraved in them. Doug got some bright blue women’s winter gloves. And best of all, Jason received a big can of Dapper Dan hair wax; Jason is bald. These presents may sound insulting to some, but Aunt Eunice truly felt that she was buying us wonderful gifts, and these presents were prized possessions to us.

Christmas in Dwarf: Part 1

We made it to Dwarf on Thursday night, just in time to beat the snow. When we woke up Friday morning, Christmastime had arrived! Snow, snow, snow! So happy to be at home in southeast Kentucky with family and snow. We spent our first couple of nights with Boomer and Jbird. We got a visit from Ron & Bonnie (Jbird's parents), who showered the boys with lots of Christmas goodies, including the smash hit--Peek-A-Boo Teddy. Here's Julian bonding with his Aunt Boomer. He was in Heaven (and so was she).

We went to visit Great-Grandma Beetle, who was making gingerbread (my favorite). She sure is awesome. One of these days, my gingerbread will taste like hers...well, probably not, but I can dream.

 While Beetle made gingerbread, Jonas stuck his fist in his mouth! My boy's got talent!

We exchanged Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve Eve Eve. I think Jbird liked his present.

And Jules dug his new footwear: BEAR PAWS!

He also thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with Grammy by the nice, warm fireplace and Christmas tree.

 And then it was nap time: Julian snoozed while visions of sugar-plums danced through his head.

December

December is always fun. In fact, it is my favorite month of all. You just can't beat Christmas, followed by my birthday, and then New Year's Eve! Because I was thinking about them today, I thought I'd share some fun memories of the past few holiday seasons.

December 2009, the year of the Bacon King, or that time we spent Christmas in the dark.

   This year we spent Christmas in Dwarf, which is always a great time, but something was a little off--the electricity! Yep, that's right. Christmas 2009 was spent in the dark. A big snow storm hit D-town and left its residents without power for 2 weeks. The lack of electricity didn't hold us back! Beetle has a generator, and was therefore able to keep her fridge running, which meant we still had food. Boomer and Aunt Kathy brought some grub from P-ville and London; they had electricity there. Uncle Glenn cooked some taters outside on the grill. Beetle cooked beans on the kerosene heater. If you would've seen our spread, you wouldn't have known we didn't have a working stove!

   On Christmas Eve, Doug, Codar, and me drove back to CVG from Dwarf. Bad idea. While we drove, the snow furiously fell. And guess who was driving! That's right, me! I was, of course, having a panic attack, so we had to pull off in Lex and let Doug take over. Good grief!

   New Year's Eve came and Doug and I joined Chris and Sarah at The Madison for our second New Year's Eve Bash. This is where Doug met (and photographed) the Bacon King. At midnight at the party, a buffet is served. The first year we went, coneys were served, but on this night, it was breakfast. Some dude (not a server, just a random fellow party-goer) went up to the buffet and loaded his plate down with crispy slices of bacon. Doug, in his party state (read: drunk), saw this and proclaimed this dude as The Bacon King. He then proceeded to go talk to the guy and take his picture, oh, and tell Sarah, Chris, and me all about his run in with royalty. That guy!

December 2010, our first Christmas

   This was our first Christmas as Mr. and Mrs. How sweet!.....You know, other than that little tid-bit, I don't remember much about Christmas 2010. Isn't that sad? It was just 2 years ago. What did we do? I guess the usual. Nothing is standing out in my mind...of course, that doesn't mean much. I'm old and forgetful.

   I do remember the NYE Bash! Jenna and Allen joined us this year. It was a good time. The week of Christmas and New Year's, I took off from work, like I always do, and since I didn't have any babies then, I could do whatever I wanted, which meant I watched Ken Burns's The War and the entire HBO series Band of Brothers. Well, on NYE night/New Year's morning, I cried myself to sleep (booze + too much war footage = depressed Alli) thinking of those brave men who fought in WW2. That was a fun night for Doug!

December 2011, the year I was pregnant but no one knew

 
Last year was a fantastic December! I graduated with my MA in history! Yay! No more school! Oh, yeah, and I found out I was pregnant on December 1st. We decided to not tell anyone until the first trimester was over, so December was a month of secrets. It was very hard to keep my big mouth shut about something so HUGE! And I still thought I only had ONE baby on the way. Oh, how things were about to get interesting.

   Due to my condition (pregnancy), we did not go to our annual NYE Bash this year. Instead, we traveled to Philadelphia to spend time with Doug's brother and family. It was a very nice time. A nice road trip with Doogie (complete with lots of pit-stops for donuts, chocolate milk, and french fries). Got to see the kiddos on Christmas morning after Santa came. Went to NYC. And watched the Wildcats beat Louisville (and hear Reese echo me in screaming at the officials to slap Rick Pitino with a technical--"T him up! T him up!" There is something so sweet about hearing a 3 year old scream at the refs.)!

December 2012, my first Christmas as a mother

  So far, the past 5 months have flown by. It is still hard for me to believe that I had twins. I mean, doesn't it just trip your mind to think that humans grow inside of humans? And me of all people, hand selected by God himself to have 2 babies at once. What was he thinking?! I reckon I'll take it as a compliment. Surely he must not think I am a complete waste if he blessed me with 2 babies at once. Right?

  To be continued...don't worry, I will fill you in on all of the fun festivities that await in the upcoming days (including our visit with Santa today).

Things I Can't Believe

I can't believe there are only 13 days til Christmas. It seems like I start my Christmas countdown in July, and yet, somehow, Christmas always seems to sneak up on me. How is that possible? What's more, I've had my shopping done for weeks, but I keep buying stuff! It's a sickness, much like Doug's addiction to Imaginext dragon toys. This is why we are broke, people.

Because he is a wonderful husband (I can't believe it...just kidding...mostly), Douglas bought me a 9 ft, pre-lit Christmas tree for my birthday! But, because I am sitting here blogging instead of cleaning my dining room (where I started a new project...a mere 4 days before I have a ton of people coming over...way to plan ahead), my tree is ornament-less. At least it is up! Maybe tomorrow I will clean and decorate. Ugh. I have a feeling 2 little dudes will have other plans for me. They are the bosses now. It used to be me. I can't believe I have two 2 ft tall bosses. And boy are they demanding!

I can't believe the boys were this tiny. And I can't believe
I let Doug take a picture of me in this condition.

I can't believe there are only 17 days til my 29th birthday. Man alive! I am older than dirt. Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday I was turning 21. What a night that was! And what a morning after...I can't believe my liver survived that mess.

Most of all, children, I still can't believe I have 2 babies. I know it sounds silly for me to keep saying that, but it is just so unreal. I am a Mom. I gave birth to 2 humans. I don't know. Something about all of that just flips my lid.

This Weekend

This has been a pretty good weekend.

I saw a squirrel.

An original Army Jeep. With Mason Jar lids as headlights.

Joe Bear blew bubbles while eating green beans, thereby covering Mom in green beans.

Rupp's rafters.

Julian's & Jonas's Christmas ornaments from Beetle.

Playing Santa

One of my favorite ornaments.

Secret Santa has begun at work! So much fun! I love sneaking around cube land, spying to see if my Secret Santa is at his/her desk, and leaving a little package of goodness for him/her to find upon returning. It is even more enjoyable when you know that your Secret Santa will LOVE what you purchase...even the little things. Ah, Christmas, could you be any cooler?

So, my tree is up and I have decorated it with all of my wonderful Beetle ornaments. That's right, about 98% of the ornaments on my tree were made by my talented, lovely Grandmother. I don't know if you know this, but she's pretty spectacular. Also on my tree are a couple "first Christmas" ornaments for my little dudes. They are going to love Christmas as much as their mommy, and I think (if it is possible) that I am going to love Christmas even more now that I get to share it with them! I have already completely enjoyed terrorizing them by adorning them with Santa suits and pajamas with reindeer footies. So flipping precious!

The Day Eddie Vedder Broke My Heart

This morning, extreme happiness was built up inside me, only to be knocked down again shortly thereafter. So, I was cruising down Greenup, rocking out to 93.3, which is currently playing all Christmas tunes, when behold, "Is that? Is that? Eddie Vedder singing 'O Come All Ye Faithful'?" Spectacular! It was a rocking tune, where the artist didn't screw up the original beat of the song, nor did they ad-lib a bunch of "ooohhs" to it. It was just a straight up church hymn meets rock and roll. And it was Eddie Vedder. I knew it was Eddie Vedder. Yes, I found it a little odd that Pearl Jam would be singing about the birth of the Lord. And I found it a little odd that I could understand every word. But dammit, it was awesome.

Then. Then, I arrived to work and I immediately googled "Pearl Jam and O Come All Ye Faithful." Nothing came up. I switched my search terms to "Pearl Jam and Christmas." Now I was directed to their Wikipedia page where "Holiday Singles" were listed. Heartbreakingly tragic: holiday singles were just singles released around the holidays. They weren't Christmas tunes at all. In fact, there was an anti-Christmas tune, 'Don't Believe in Christmas.' Oh, my heart! A dagger! Eddie Vedder, I love thee, and yet, you hurt me like this.

I wonder who that was singing 'O Come All Ye Faithful' this morning. And NO, Douglas. It was NOT Twisted Sister.

Not All Was Lost

I came away from the trip to Target with more than a bruised nose, I got lots of Christmas joy in the form of PRESENTS. I can't believe there are only 43 days til Christmas and I still haven't gotten my shopping done (and I have no clue what to buy some people). Yesterday, I at least got a few more gifts and can cross a few nice kids off of Santa's list. I didn't end up buying that Yahtzee game that punched my face, but I was able to score some delightful goodies that I think will make some little girls and boys quite happy. Also, whilst browsing the toy section, Douglas found about 549 dinosaurs, dragons, and ogres that he wanted to buy Jules and Joe Bear. "These would go perfectly with their castles!" I'm thinking Doug is going to have a great time with Christmases down the road.

Loot for the Children's Home

In case you haven't heard, I am taking up donations for the Children's Home by my house. If you want to donate, they want Wal-Mart and Target giftcards of $10-15, and small $1-10 gifts appropriate for ages 1 to 14. Email me, and I will let you know all the details including how to get me your stuff. Check out all of the loot I purchased yesterday for the drive! I hope my small contribution makes some little feller happy. I know that when I was a little gal, my family was often the beneficiary of charitable donations. Why, one of the best Christmas gifts I ever received came to me compliments of the Fisty Fire Department (a Joey McIntyre doll)!

I googled "Joey McIntyre Barbie" to get an image to add to my post, and this came up. A picture of a naked Joey doll with an MC Hammer doll. 

Is that a promise ring on Joey's finger?

Do you remember the Jordan Knight doll? It even had his sick rat-tail. I never had a Jordan doll, but if I would've, I would've cut his rat-tail off. Why was that ever cool? It even sounds horrible. Rat-tail. The things people do to themselves. There was this kid in grade school who always had a rat-tail. And it was curly. The rest of his head, he buzzed off, then he had this curly rat-tail. Looked more like a squirrel-tail. He was such a goofy looking kid. I can't remember his name; he was a year ahead of me. His face would turn beet red when he laughed and veins would bulge from the side of his neck. Strange character. Of course, he could've been a good kid. I didn't take the time to get to know him. Couldn't get past that squirrel-tail, I suppose.

Jordan Knight and his skanky rat-tail.

Christmas Shopping in July

Congratulations to me and my already impressive start on Christmas shopping. If Christmas was tomorrow (oh, how I wish it was so), I would have Christmas presents for 7 folks on my list! I am cooking with butta, children. Oh yeah.

Question: Is Sammy Davis, Jr. a Jew?

Answer: Yes, I just verified with a reputable source (Wikipedia).
Why am I asking: Well, this morning on the way to work, I was listening to The Rat Pack Christmas album, and he's on there wishing me a Merry Christmas, but I got to thinking, shouldn't he be on record with Adam Sandler singing about Hanukkah? That would be cool, as both Adam Sandler and Sammy Davis, Jr. are totally awesome.
Little factoid: Sammy Davis, Jr. was a fan of soap operas. Because he was suave, he landed a cameo on General Hospital and a recurring role on One Life to Live.

Back to Christmas...we will be traveling to Philly this year for our yuletide festivities. I was thinking this morning on the way into work of how epic it will be to take this Christmas journey, this 9-hour drive, and listen to nothing but Christmas music the whole way! Oh, and we can share our fondest Christmas memories. Doogie is going to be so excited! The only downside to Christmas in Philly is that I won't be able to have my ugly Christmas sweater and Chinese take-out Christmas extravaganza (maybe I could just have that earlier). Poor ole Doug Bear never gets to spend Christmas with his family. This will be fun!

And lastly, I want to end with this cheerful note: Sweaters have arrived at your local Target!

We're off to see the Beetle, the Wonderful Beetle of Dwarf!

13 days until I'm vacationing in sunny Dwarf! Woo-hoo! So excited. I cannot wait to hang with the Beetle. It is going to be so much fun. What are we going to do? Hit her favorite hot spots: Pizza Hut, Wal-Mart, JC Penney. Oh yeah! It's going to be awesome. She'll show me all of her crafts. We'll look at the flood damage. And hopefully Barksdale will not die while I am there. I don't know if I'll be able to handle the mourning of the entire Cornett bunch when the dog goes to Heaven. My mother called me last night and said that Beetle thought Barks was a goner last night. Poor ole feller. He'll probably outlive us all. It'll be a sad day in D-town when Barksy is pushing up daisies.

It feels amazing outside! I am hanging on the hammock, you know how I do, and I never want to leave! Can't it feel like this year round (with the exception of the week of Christmas; it has to snow the week of Christmas). You know, it's only 183 days til Christmas. I bought the first Christmas present yesterday morning. The present probably won't last til Christmas. I'll give it to the rightful owner sooner than that, I bet. That's the only drawback to buying presents early--you always want to give them to the recipient immediately. Oh well, Christmas is 183 days away, we should be more focused on HALLOWEEN, which is only 127 days away. I have already picked out my costume, have you? You better be at the Halloween Party! I'm talking to YOU!

Oh, and before I forget, last night, we went over to Carol's pool to check out her night blooming cereus. It only blooms for one night of the year. Pretty cool!