The Gastrights vs The Bears

 Wow. It has been a long time since I've posted on this here little blog. What brings me back, you ask? The Bears.

It was the first weekend of October, and the Gastrights decided to take a nice fall trip to the Great Smoky Mountains! Oh, it would be so much fun! We'd ride a mountain roller coaster, eat yummy food, enjoy beautiful scenery, fall into some tourist traps, and maybe see a black bear!

Cut to Sunday. We saw a bear, alright. Make that 3 bears.

So cute but so scary.

We were running through all the errands to check-out of our cozy cabin. We had gathered all the trash, and Doug was taking it down the driveway to the "bear safe garbage bin." He got about halfway down the hill when he noticed Mama Bear. He said, "I looked at her, and she looked at me, and then I took off." 

I had also sent my poor child, Jonas, down with a bag of garbage. He was intercepted by his father, and upon seeing Mama Bear, also took off back to the cabin.

Meanwhile, I had been hollering at the children to "get your crap together and get in the car!" and for once in her life Kate had listened. So, she was sitting in the suburban when Doug and Jonas came running up the driveway. Doug did not have time to get Kate out of the car, so he just shut all the doors and locked them. She was listening to an audiobook and was completely oblivious to the situation at hand.

The 4 of us in the cabin watched the 3 bears (Mama and 2 cubs) saunter around the premises looking for a snacky. I was stressing out that Kate, at any moment, would get annoyed and hop out of the suburban to see what was taking everyone else so long. (Probably best for the bear that she didn't get out.)

Seeing what Doug is up to.

Doug hit the key fob repeatedly to blow the horn, trying to make a loud noise to scare Mama and cubs away, but alas, these bears are used to car horns. Did not make a bit of a difference.

We watched them a bit longer, and they finally walked off. Doug set back out to throw out the garbage, and the rest of us piled into the car. I was loading stuff into the back of the car when Doug yelled, "You better hurry up and get in the car!" At the time, I thought he was just joking around, but considering my base level is wimp, I still moved very quickly and got myself in the car. Well, he was not joking, the bears had returned. So now, the children and I were in the suburban and Doug was in the cabin. 

Lord have mercy! I've never been so terrified (except maybe when I found the snake in my bathroom, that's a story for another day). The children were all excited to see the bears, meanwhile, I was about to soil myself. Mama bear stood up and pressed her nose to my window. I almost fainted. Julian was taking pictures. Kate finally realized there were bears. Jonas was stunned into silence. Doug said he was giggling to himself in the cabin watching the surreal situation unfold, then looked up and saw my face (pure hysteria). 

The moment when I was about to pass out.

Finally, Doug thought to start the car with the key fob. Once the suburban came alive, the bears decided to go victimize another family. 

People, them Tennessee mountains are wild. I think I'll stick to my Kentucky mountains.

Quarantine Life

Some notes regarding the first week plus of quarantine.

Things I'm Not Proud Of

"King" Doug playing Air Pictionary

Wanting to punch my office mate...repeatedly

"Working from home is great. I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to an office setting. Less distractions, more quiet. No pesky cube neighbors being loud and annoying."--Me for the past year. 

"Could he possibly type any louder? How is there still ice in that cup and how does he have any teeth left after chomping so vigorously? What the hell is he laughing at? I've read this paragraph 10 times and I still do not know what I read."--Me on Day 1 of sharing an office with my beautiful husband. 

The Outburst

How I miss our outings!

The kids' last day of school was Friday, March 13. We've not left the house since then. It's been cold and rainy the majority of days, so we've mostly been inside. I spent Saturday morning cleaning the house. Hand to God, no more than 2 minutes after I had finished cleaning the living room, it looked like a tornado had hit. "No. No. No. No. Are you kidding me?!" I screamed like a maniac and proceeded to throw Big Boy Clarence (a giant fluffy teddy bear) and a My Little Pony out of the living room toward the staircase. There was silence. Then we all burst out laughing, and Julian said, "Oh, Mom!" and looked over at Jonas and said, "One day we'll be parents and we'll know how hard it is to deal with messy kids." 

I told them I was going to come to their houses and make giant messes for no reason and then leave. 

Things I'm Happy About

Julian wrote me a book. 

It is called "Mom and Julian" and it talks about all of the fun things we do together. 

Stress Baking

Kate the Great eating her bakes!

Not happy about the stress, but it's always fun to bake! Since we've been holed up, I've made (with the help of Kate the Great) chocolate chip pumpkin bread, pineapple upside down cake, and Mommaw Alice's gingerbread. To get the hardcore end of the world vibes going whilst baking, we listened to Metallica.  \\,,// For whom the bell tolls, time marches on! Take a look to the sky just before you die, it is the last time you will! \\,,//  (Side note about Metallica: When I was a little kid, my cousin Chip had a Metallica poster on his wall. He told me that it was a picture of some of our uncles when they were younger. I believed him. In my defense, James Hetfield & Co. did look like they had just crawled out of the holler.)

Tomorrow, Kate has already told me that we are making sugar cookies with sprinkles. The unfortunate thing is we have no one to share our bakes with. 

Movie Night

It's not the same without my crew (I know they're here in spirit); however, the show must go on. This week, Dacian and I watched Zombieland and Zombieland Double Tap. We took lots of notes. 

And how are you, friend? Have you been washing your hands and practicing social distancing? How have you been passing the time?

Stay safe out there and DO NOT GO TO THE WINCHESTER (next movie up?)!

Editing the Narrative

Word is a lot of folks doctor up their pictures to present a more perfect narrative of their lives for the world to see on social media.

Perfect seats. Center. No big heads in front of us.

I thought about that last night.

I wanted to post these pictures to Facebook of our family outing to see The Nutcracker.

For years I've been wanting to take the kids to see this show. Every year I say, "Maybe next year they'll be old enough to enjoy it." Well, we've gone to several movies, plays, and family POPS performances, and the children have been able to sit through each and have even enjoyed them. And Kate is in dance class! So, this was our year.

The lights dim, the curtains begin to rise, all of Music Hall is quiet. The only sound to be heard is....that of an entire box of skittles hitting the floor. Sounded like a million marbles on the run.

And I could smile because it wasn't my kids who were responsible. It was that poor lady a couple of rows back. I feel your pain, Mama.

Nope, my precious children sat there like good little angels. I was thrilled and very much looking forward to seeing their faces light up for the Rat King.

We were about 10 minutes in when Julian asked, "When's this going to be over?" And a few minutes later, Kate declared herself to be "bored" and asked, "why isn't there any talking in this movie." And then a minute after that, Jonas was laying across the seats looking miserable. They get their lack of appreciation for the theater from their Dad by the way.

Not even a chuckle for the Rat King!!!

The only time they were happy during the show.

Act 1 ended and the lights came on for intermission. For the first time since the show started, I saw joy on their faces. Jonas jumped up and yelled, "Yay! It's finally over!"

And then my family left me. Doug, Kate, Jonas, and Julian. They filed out of there, and I watched Act 2 all by my lonesome (which was lovely).

So you see, I couldn't post the pictures last night because you needed to hear the whole story.


And to the old broad sitting behind us, you're welcome for the insight on what it's like to take twin 7-year old boys to the ballet. You were right not to bring your grandsons.

My Day in 10 Pictures

I read an article yesterday about blogging. I went down the rabbit hole and clicked links here and there, and finally landed on a list of blog post challenges.

I accepted one: post about a normal day in 10 pictures. Easy enough.

Except...I only have 7 pictures.* 

70% is still passing. Am I right? 

*Let's be real, I have way more than 7. However, most are duplicate photos. Failed attempts at capturing the unicorn--a shot of all 3 kids looking in the same direction at the same time. 

Also, please note that I did have 8! (80%!) Unfortunately, upon further review of the first picture of the morning (my cubicle), I think there may have been (if you squinted really hard and zoomed in a million percent) something confidential lurking on my desk. As I like having a job (read: money), I refrained from posting. If you've seen Office Space, you've seen my cube (sans the red stapler).

Completely devastated after discovering the
food truck had cancelled, I had a nice lunch of Cheez-Its. 

Thank God It's Friday. The best part of the work day is leaving!
Glad to be home with these cats, enjoying the sun!

El Rio Grande for supper, since I had been
malnourished all day. This Bear loves queso.

Tacos, rice, and beans make Julian a happy boy.

Best buddies.

110 days until Halloween!
Celebrating Friday the 13th in style.

Time for bed + book!

Jonas Rides a Bike

Ladies and gentleman, today was a big day. The fun started at school. It was kindergarten awards day. The boys were recognized for their outstanding achievements: homework hero, being respectful, and other wonderful qualities that make them such cool dudes. They were very proud of themselves, as they should be. After the ceremony, Julian wanted to take us all to his classroom. He said, "Mom, you're going to love it. It's beautiful!" Then he showed me his table and all the nifty stations around the classroom.

Jules modeling his "brag tags."

 Jonas and his "brag tags."

After school, we grabbed some lunch and headed home. It was such a nice day outside, so we took advantage and hung around the yard. Jonas took the time to practice riding his bike without training wheels. We've been working on it for the past week or so, and today was the day, folks! He did it! He was incredibly cute in doing so, too. He was pedaling along and saying to himself, "I know I can do it! I know I can do it!" And sure enough, he can!

He's already on me about getting a new bike (I promised we'd get them new bikes when they learned to ride without training wheels).

So proud!

Treats from Spain

This month's Universal Yums included treats from Spain.

Barbacoa snack mix, BBQ potato snack, Ham flavored potato chips,
Caramel white chocolate candies, olive oil cookies, lemon cookie,
chocolate-covered oranges, pistachio toffee, and chocolate with pine nuts.

Everyone's favorite was the barbacoa snack mix!
Made Doug nostalgic for his childhood, and
he rushed to the store to buy corn nuts.

Jonas was not a fan of the chocolate-covered oranges.
Spain does not do a good chocolate orange. This was no Terry's!

Thumbs up to pistachio toffee!

Cool wrapper, but yucky cookie.

Another favorite of the kids! Think caramel
white chocolate M&Ms.

Olive oil cookie sounded weird. Tasted weird.

Ham-flavored potato chips. Mmm. Can't go wrong with ham.

That's a wrap on Spain!

Beetle Meets a Bear

When we were in Dwarf last weekend, Mommaw told me a story about her run-in with a bear.

It was December, and as she always does, Mommaw had decked the halls for Christmas! This included lights on the outside of the house. This year she had purchased herself one of those neat laser light projectors, and had received several compliments on the display.

After realizing she hadn't even checked out the lights herself, Beetle, who was home alone at the time, headed out the door at 10 pm to do just that.

[Sometimes, after supper, scraps are dumped out into the ditch. Foxes have been known to come get a snack from time to time.]

Well, Mommaw was checking out her lights, and as she was walking inside, she saw a creature in the ditch eating. She thought it was a big dog, so she hollered at it. The dog looked up. But, it wasn't a dog, it was a bear!

Just about that time, Bob came driving up the driveway, and the bear took off up the hill.

"Well, after that, I went inside and looked up on my iPad what you're supposed to do when you come face to face with a bear. You're supposed to be really still and not make any sudden movements. And you gotta make yourself look as big as you can."--Mommaw 

[Mommaw is about 4' 11''.]

"Is that what you did?" --Curt

"What do you think? I about tore my toenails off trying to get back in the house!"--Mommaw

[Scraps are no longer being dumped in the ditch.]