I'm Still Alive!

Okay, so it has been a while. What can I say? That's what happens when you have too much school work, work work, and are lazy! But, I am back, and ready to blog. A lot has happened since we last met:

The spring semester finally came to an end. I thought I was going to die before it was over with, but I made it through with the support (or tolerance) of my beautiful husband and my dear

friends. I got all As. Woo-hoo! But, I did miss out on Joey Votto bobblehead night at Great American Ballpark. That was quite unfortunate considering I arranged the gathering, but at least my sweet friend T-Bo (I cannot claim to have come up with that nickname, but I shall use it) obtained a JV bobblehead for me to give to Beetle. Oh! You should have seen her when I brought that bobblehead in. She was so excited. She showed him off to everyone, then put him on her bookshelf next to Bronson. But the best was when she got up to show the family the hitters' rituals performed before hitting the ball. First she did Votto,

then Bruce, then she said, "And I'm not going to show you what Squirrel Head (aka Johnny Gomes) does. That's plumb nasty." What I wouldn't give to have that on video!

I finished watching Justified. Both seasons were outstanding, but the Season 2 finale was dumb, and no one gives a crap about dumb Winona, so they should just go ahead and kill that storyline. Boyd Crowder, on the other hand, is fantastic. Walton Goggins plays the part perfectly. I especially liked scenes when Boyd would preach. I promise you, that really is how a southern baptist preacher preaches. But, I still stand by review that other than the accents and the proclamation of Lexington being the end all be all of "getting out of the holler," everything else is ridiculous. Maybe Dwarf is just a lot calmer than Harlan? Whatever the case, the show is still a must see.

I started reading Game of Thrones and also watching the HBO series based on the novels. So far, so good! Does that make me a mega fantasy dweeb? Oh well, I am already dweeby enough, might as well add another dimension to the dorkiness. Speaking of, I got a kick ass Chewbacca shirt at Target. It says, "A wookie ate my homework." Be jealous.

Doogie has been a mad man since school has let out. He installed a DOORBELL! Finally, after 3 years of living in this house, guests will no longer have to stand at the door wondering if we are

deaf or just ignoring them, for our doorbell actually works now. That being said, everyone who comes to our house is under the impression that the doorbell is broken, so will anyone ever use the new one? The wait is on. After the doorbell, Doogie began working on the ole cat ramp. Yes, you read that correctly, cat ramp. Last summer when tiling the floor in the backroom, Doogie cut a hole in the floor in order to build a ramp down to the basement. At the end of this ramp, he has installed a little area to house the litter boxes. Now, when the kittens have to do their business, they go down to the basement, meaning I (or anyone who frequents the back room) no longer have to look at cat boxes when searching the back fridge for a brewskie. What this also means is that the room is now ready for installation of my very own BRAND NEW WASHER & DRYER! My friends, I laid some money down on Sunday at Lowes, and they'll be delivering my shiny new washer and dryer on Saturday. Hells bells! We are on a roll!

Lastly, it saddens me to report that my vow went out the window shortly after typing the last blog. For dinner tonight, I had a big boy and fries. I am destined to always eat poorly. I just need to accept it. But, I would like to mention that I did finally cook those brussel sprouts, and I actually liked them! So kudos to that!

A Solemn Vow

The time has come, children. I know I say this all the time, and you're tired of it, but this time, it is for real: I HAVE TO START EATING BETTER! The thing that pushed me over the edge was that deep-fried zinger I had at Bard's. Let me put it to you like this: Monday for supper I had a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and fries. Tuesday for supper I had chicken nuggets and fries. Last night for supper I had 5 Guys Burger and fries. Today for lunch, I had a 4-way at Goldstar. For supper, I had a cheeseburger at Bard's (but no fries, see, I'm already eating healthier!) and a fried zinger for dessert. I feel like a beached whale. I am probably the greasiest, fattest woman alive. I have 10 chins. Honest. I saw them in the mirror while I was giving myself a pre-blog pep-talk. I'm writing this blog to inform you that I shan't be accompanying you to dinner anymore (for the time being, at least not to my usual eateries of choice), so don't ask. You know I'm weak! Don't offer me any candy or cake either (unless it's those macaroons, Sarah, you know I can't say no to those) because you know I'll take them and scarf them down without a second thought. I'm a fat kid. Candy is my favorite thing. If one was to look at the pictures on my camera, you would find that the majority of them is of food. Why do I take pictures of food? I have a sickness, people!

I, Alli G, do solemnly swear to refrain from eating food that has to be dabbed with a paper towel in order to remove grease puddles before eating. I also vow to not eat anymore deep-fried anythings, unless of course they are mini-corndogs, that is the one exception. I vow to go back to my earlier vow of eating at least one serving of vegetables a day (how adult of me) and refraining from indulging in those delectable breakfast pastries known as poptarts. Welcome to hell.

Daggum dogwood

Look! He's growing! We didn't think we would ever see the day, but the little feller has perked right up and is reaching for the sky!

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The Night of the Living Dead

It's not just a movie anymore, children, I experienced it first hand Tuesday night. Before you go talking to Doug Bear, let me tell you how it really went down:

So, there I was...tired as hell from a long day of work and a long night at class. I had a headache, of course, so that wasn't helping matters. Before I could do any relaxing, I had to voiceboard about mountain top removal for my history of Appalachia class. "What I found interesting about this week's reading was that there are no more mountains in Appalachia." Finally, around 10 pm (which was already way past my bedtime), I settled in to watch an episode of Justified, thinking that would lift the ole spirits. Well, that was a disappointment. Boyd Crowder was only in the episode for about a minute! Giving up on Tuesday, I finally decided that I might as well try to get some sleep. Maybe sleep would be the answer. So I nuzzled in, pulled the blanket up over my head, my arm under my pillow, my Bori Cat by my side, "Nazr Mohammed, Jeff Brassow, Gimel Martinez, Jamal Mashburn, Travis Ford..." And I was asleep.

Now, those who know me know I can sleep through anything. I can sleep through alarm clocks, cat fights, thunderstorms, earthquakes, you name it. But, I'm telling you, children, there's something I can't sleep through, and that's the frozen, benumbed, piercing, frigid, penetrating, glacial touch of Doug Bear's DEAD FOOT in the middle of the night. His dead foot shot me right out of my dead sleep. He said I hollered as if someone had stabbed me. Why, they might as well had! Same damn principle. Attack a poor woman suffering from migraines in her sleep. And then laugh about it! The gall of that man!

I'm gonna get him back, though. Messin' with sasquatch.

I Hate Snakes

One of my earliest childhood memories involves a snake and may explain why, to this day, I vehemently despise them...

There I was, a young lass of 3 or 4, walking hand-in-hand with my mama to the top of the hill to meet my cousins at the bus stop. Though the driveway did have gravel, it was mostly dirt, so I was able to wear my Minnie Mouse house shoes. You remember the ones...with the big plastic head on the front? They were radical. Anyway, I'm hoofing it up the hill with my mom when I feel something tug on Minnie's head, then something cold touch my skin. I looked down and screamed bloody murder. It was a green snake crawling up my leg! Aaaah! Traumatized. And that, my friends, is why I hate snakes.

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Things I Learned in Dwarf

Beetle had her first hamburger when she was 14. They had always raised cattle, but never slaughtered the cattle for meat; instead, the family raised the cattle for milk or traded them.

Beetle had her first pop when she was around 8 years old. Her daddy brought it home. It was orange pop--either Nehi or Crush, she can't remember the brand exactly. What an excellent pop for your first ever soda experience!

At the 50th wedding anniversary for Great Grandma Maude and Great Grandpa Austin, Aunt Kathy said to her grandmother, "Wow, Grandma, how exciting, to be married for 5o years." To which Great Grandma replied, "50 years of PURE HELL."
.....as a follow-up, let it be know that ole "Goose Shit," as he so lovingly called her, did love her husband, and 2 weeks after his death was even overheard saying, "I kinda miss the ole feller."

Beetle remembers eating her first graham cracker. It was at the county fair. She was about 7 or 8 and her Granny Leona had taken them all down to the fair. They rode down in a wagon. Leona went into a store and came back out with a jar of marshmallow creme and a box of graham crackers. To this day, this is one of Beetle's favorite treats.

Go Big Blue!

Well, my friends, our little Wildcats lost last night. No #8 banner in Rupp...this year. I'm just sayin', wait til next year, children! Though the loss was tough, the Wildcats had an extraordinary run and I loved every minute of it (well, except for those losses to Ole Miss and Arkansas, that was a little much). At any rate, this team showed an unbelievable amount of heart, and the Big Blue Nation loves them to death. This team has reinvigorated our love (but honestly, were we ever without love for the Cats). No one in Kentucky will ever look at a pair of Jorts without immediately thinking of Josh Harrellson. This is the stuff legends are made of my friend--heart, toughness, and denim. Go Big Blue!