Day 9, Kicks in the Head, Mama, and the Return of Boyd Crowder

The Bear named Joe.

Well, I am proud to report that I am still on my diet (or "dot"--Brian claims this is what it sounds like when I say "diet") and exercise routine. I have yet to die, so that is good. I've been hoofing it at the gym every day after work (which is really just 3 days since I am working part-time, but still). The first day, I had my sweet friend Jenna to pump iron with (NOTE: Neither of us pumped iron). Since then, I've been all by my lonesome. This is fine, I mean, it's not like working out is an activity that requires deep conversation or the like. For the most part, you're just walking next to each other, both rocking the headphones. But, it is a bit awkward when you are the only girl in the gym. The dudes forget I am there, and so they pick wedgies and scratch their wieners and it is gross. Who am I kidding? They're dudes. They would probably still be doing that even if I had a gym buddy. At any rate, kudos to me for still going strong at Day 9!

Jules and his hair.

The boys can no longer be trusted to stay in their pack and play together without supervision. I laid them in there yesterday evening while I went to make their bottles. I heard Jonas crying from the kitchen. "I'm coming! I'm coming! I gotta mix this formula. Good grief! Can I have a minute?! You are so demanding!" I was thinking the ole chap was mad because I was moving too slowly fixing his food. I get back into the living room with bottles in hand, and what do I see? Julian smiling and kicking his poor brother in the head. Poor little Joe Bear. 

Why is it that I see previews to the scariest movies when I am sitting alone in the dark? Have you seen the trailer for the new Guillermo del Toro movie (Mama)? Good heavens! It's a wonder I didn't have nightmares from just seeing that 1-minute clip. 

Did you watch Justified last night? Boyd Crowder is back! Yeehaw! Looks like he's going to get into all kinds of trouble this season. Walton Goggins is completely perfect for this role. I wish you all were from Southeast Kentucky and could truly appreciate this show. I mean, yes, obviously it is a television show and therefore totally outlandish at times, but, hand to God, some of the characters are dead-on folks I know back home (I know more than 1 Dewey Crow). Why, even last night Boyd Crowder's dialogue sounded like it came straight from Taylor Jones's mouth! Quoting Psalms to illustrate how God gladdened the hearts of man by making wine and using that to justify selling oxys. "And what are goods but just modern-day wine, albeit in pill form." I'm telling you! Visit Hazard, people. 

What's up?

Did you all watch this week's episode of Justified? It was intense. This season is getting off to a nice start. If you haven't watched it, you need to stop reading right here, because I'm going to ruin it for you (spoiler alert). Well, we all knew that Devil's time was coming to an end. He was back-talking Ava (which earned him a knock upside the head with a cast iron skillet), selling bad weed when Boyd told him to burn it, and generally being a grade A fool. He took the cake on Tuesday night, trying to get Johnny Crowder to go against Boyd, and then pulling a gun on Boyd. Had he not learned that Boyd is a walking, talking, bad-to-the-bone, dude by now? Well, a slug to the chest is what he got. But, because he is Boyd Crowder, the gun-slinger asked if Devil needed something for his pain? "Close your eyes, son!" Great television! And then of course, we can't forget our ole friend Dewey Crowe. After Boyd Crowder, Dewey is my favorite. I am telling you people what, if only you lived in southeastern Kentucky and knew some of the people from my past (mostly my cousins' friends), Dewey Crowe would be even more hilarious to you. The actor who plays him is Australian, did you know that? I didn't either. I just looked it up. That man should win an Oscar. Dewey, you have to survive the organ harvesters! You gotta live to entertain me more throughout the season!

In other news, I am in my second trimester of pregnancy. Woo-hoo! That means that maybe I will stop feeling like death. That also means, I am rapidly expanding. Soon, you will see my belly before you see me. I have also become quite popular, and people are suddenly always wondering how I am feeling. But I see through them! I know they only care about my babies! I am a mere vessel. I am told that once my belly gets enormous, strangers will ask to rub it. Is that for real? I can't handle that. I don't want some random schmuck touching my tum-tum. Though my personal bubble has grown, it's still there, people! Here's to hoping I make it through the end without some weirdo rubbing my belly like I'm some freaking Buddah figurine.

Speaking of weirdos and freaky things, last night I had a dream that I went to a concert for Mitchell the vampire from Being Human (UK). Only, I had confused Mitchell with Warren Barfield. I thought I was going, and taking friends and family, to a nice concert, when low and behold Mitchell started doing some crazy Prince meets Alice Cooper type theatrics on the stage. There were only about 11 people in the audience, and we all cleared out of there. So weird. When it comes to dreams, I've always had some doozies, but I'm telling you, they may be getting worse.

I'm Still Alive!

Okay, so it has been a while. What can I say? That's what happens when you have too much school work, work work, and are lazy! But, I am back, and ready to blog. A lot has happened since we last met:

The spring semester finally came to an end. I thought I was going to die before it was over with, but I made it through with the support (or tolerance) of my beautiful husband and my dear

friends. I got all As. Woo-hoo! But, I did miss out on Joey Votto bobblehead night at Great American Ballpark. That was quite unfortunate considering I arranged the gathering, but at least my sweet friend T-Bo (I cannot claim to have come up with that nickname, but I shall use it) obtained a JV bobblehead for me to give to Beetle. Oh! You should have seen her when I brought that bobblehead in. She was so excited. She showed him off to everyone, then put him on her bookshelf next to Bronson. But the best was when she got up to show the family the hitters' rituals performed before hitting the ball. First she did Votto,

then Bruce, then she said, "And I'm not going to show you what Squirrel Head (aka Johnny Gomes) does. That's plumb nasty." What I wouldn't give to have that on video!

I finished watching Justified. Both seasons were outstanding, but the Season 2 finale was dumb, and no one gives a crap about dumb Winona, so they should just go ahead and kill that storyline. Boyd Crowder, on the other hand, is fantastic. Walton Goggins plays the part perfectly. I especially liked scenes when Boyd would preach. I promise you, that really is how a southern baptist preacher preaches. But, I still stand by review that other than the accents and the proclamation of Lexington being the end all be all of "getting out of the holler," everything else is ridiculous. Maybe Dwarf is just a lot calmer than Harlan? Whatever the case, the show is still a must see.

I started reading Game of Thrones and also watching the HBO series based on the novels. So far, so good! Does that make me a mega fantasy dweeb? Oh well, I am already dweeby enough, might as well add another dimension to the dorkiness. Speaking of, I got a kick ass Chewbacca shirt at Target. It says, "A wookie ate my homework." Be jealous.

Doogie has been a mad man since school has let out. He installed a DOORBELL! Finally, after 3 years of living in this house, guests will no longer have to stand at the door wondering if we are

deaf or just ignoring them, for our doorbell actually works now. That being said, everyone who comes to our house is under the impression that the doorbell is broken, so will anyone ever use the new one? The wait is on. After the doorbell, Doogie began working on the ole cat ramp. Yes, you read that correctly, cat ramp. Last summer when tiling the floor in the backroom, Doogie cut a hole in the floor in order to build a ramp down to the basement. At the end of this ramp, he has installed a little area to house the litter boxes. Now, when the kittens have to do their business, they go down to the basement, meaning I (or anyone who frequents the back room) no longer have to look at cat boxes when searching the back fridge for a brewskie. What this also means is that the room is now ready for installation of my very own BRAND NEW WASHER & DRYER! My friends, I laid some money down on Sunday at Lowes, and they'll be delivering my shiny new washer and dryer on Saturday. Hells bells! We are on a roll!

Lastly, it saddens me to report that my vow went out the window shortly after typing the last blog. For dinner tonight, I had a big boy and fries. I am destined to always eat poorly. I just need to accept it. But, I would like to mention that I did finally cook those brussel sprouts, and I actually liked them! So kudos to that!

The Night of the Living Dead

It's not just a movie anymore, children, I experienced it first hand Tuesday night. Before you go talking to Doug Bear, let me tell you how it really went down:

So, there I was...tired as hell from a long day of work and a long night at class. I had a headache, of course, so that wasn't helping matters. Before I could do any relaxing, I had to voiceboard about mountain top removal for my history of Appalachia class. "What I found interesting about this week's reading was that there are no more mountains in Appalachia." Finally, around 10 pm (which was already way past my bedtime), I settled in to watch an episode of Justified, thinking that would lift the ole spirits. Well, that was a disappointment. Boyd Crowder was only in the episode for about a minute! Giving up on Tuesday, I finally decided that I might as well try to get some sleep. Maybe sleep would be the answer. So I nuzzled in, pulled the blanket up over my head, my arm under my pillow, my Bori Cat by my side, "Nazr Mohammed, Jeff Brassow, Gimel Martinez, Jamal Mashburn, Travis Ford..." And I was asleep.

Now, those who know me know I can sleep through anything. I can sleep through alarm clocks, cat fights, thunderstorms, earthquakes, you name it. But, I'm telling you, children, there's something I can't sleep through, and that's the frozen, benumbed, piercing, frigid, penetrating, glacial touch of Doug Bear's DEAD FOOT in the middle of the night. His dead foot shot me right out of my dead sleep. He said I hollered as if someone had stabbed me. Why, they might as well had! Same damn principle. Attack a poor woman suffering from migraines in her sleep. And then laugh about it! The gall of that man!

I'm gonna get him back, though. Messin' with sasquatch.