I'm pleasant...

"I'm pleasant! Dammit, I'm pleasant! I saw Drum Eatonton at the Piggly Wiggly and smiled at the son-of-a-bitch before I could catch myself!"

--Ouiser from Steel Magnolias

This is how I feel when I see hags and smile at them without thinking about it first. I'm just too nice, I guess.

Babies and Baptist Pie

Oh, I forgot to mention how Beetle unleashed on Boomer this weekend regarding babies. I had just explained last week to my bestie that my family doesn't harass its women about having children. Well, boy was I wrong. Here we (Beetle, Boomer, and me) were chopping up veggies for a salad telling about friends who were expecting, when all of a sudden Beetle unleashed:

Beetle: [to Boomer] I'll tell you right where you are heading...you are going to end up just like Bert (Bert is Ripley's Aunt who is sick and on her deathbed and has no one to take care of her because she never had any children). You're going to be all alone and your cats will be dead and gone.Boomer: Mommaw! I can't believe you said that to me. You sure know how to make a girl feel good.

Beetle: Well, don't get mad, I'm just stating facts. You're going to end up just like Bert.

Me: Don't worry, Boomer, my babies will take care of you!

Beetle: Your babies? What babies?! You need to get with it, too.

And now we know how the Beetle feels about it. She's just statin' the facts.

Fact #2: Tomorrow I shall make a Baptist Pie. Pictures to accompany recipe and results.

What a long, strange, 4 days it's been.

The past 4 days have flown by; I have done so much since then, in such little time! I've journeyed to the center of the universe; saw the hottest rock band in the world; got a new closet built just for me, to house my bed clothes; got an original Beetle-Cornett-made Halloween tablecloth; bought some tile for the upstairs bathroom; ate some fried green tomatoes; wrote a protocol (boo! How dare I even discuss WORK on a fun-filled blog); perused more recipes; bought some Christmas presents (it's never too soon to start Christmas shopping); got the scoop on the black bear storming around Combs Branch, eating Denny Ray's peaches; witnessed a small boy eat a large burger (triple baconator to be exact); laughed hysterically at the expense of my dearest cousin/sister and the orc mask; tried a sausage gravy breakfast and paid dearly; had a sad departure with cousin Codar; and drank a Peach Nehi. A pretty good 4 days, if you ask me!


Me and Codar had a blast at the concert. KISS was awesome. Now, I only know about 4 Kiss songs, but you don't even need to know any to appreciate the show. For starters, their entrance was straight up rock-n-roll: fireworks, rebel yells, smoke, screeching guitars, plain ole fire, moving stages, Catman rising from the pits of hell, etc. Rock yer face off! As the show progressed, we saw Ace Frehley shoot explosives from his guitar. Gene Simmons was in full fire-breathing, tongue-shaking, blood-spitting rock-n-roll Demon mode. Peter Criss was killing it on the drums. And of course, the Starchild was brilliant, flying out above the masses, gettin' groovy for the Nati. Hell, we even said the pledge of allegiance to the United States of America. Oh, and they played a little Led for our head.

Heading back to Dwarf Labor Day weekend, I hope. This visiting for 1 day jazz is getting old. I like spending time with my Mommaw. I wish she lived closer. She is so hilarious with her commentary on the Reds baseball games, pop culture (Mommaw on Mel Gibson--"That man needs his head examined." She is thoroughly perturbed by Mel, and I highly doubt she has ever seen one of his movies), and Papaw's sisters (Mommaw on Papaw's sisters--"Them women 'round yonder would drive anybody insane. They asked Bob what the black bear looked like. Like he knew! Denny Ray saw it. Bob didn't run out and measure it.") She also told us about her dream--she had a dream she saw a copperhead and that Uncle Glenn killed it, chopped it up into 3 pieces. "Good grief! What a dream! When you dream of a copperhead, that means one's lurking around. You better stay out of them weeds and the tomatoes!"--Uncle Bob to Mommaw.

Sweet life

Before bed...a list of things that made me smile today:

*A handsome husband (and his scratch hagginess)
*A goofy cousin (and his claims to see the future through his dreams)
*Friends who make work enjoyable (even at the expense of others)
*Snappy tomato pizza buffet

Anilame

Doug is watching the dumbest movie ever. Anime. "You weasels!" It could be worse I guess, it could be Ultraviolet. That was a terrible movie, my friends, but a good movie going experience. The crowd was laughing hysterically and exclaiming, "What the hell?"

"Hello? Cody? Are you alive?" Cody collapsed approximately 20 minutes after returning from Wild Wednesday at Superbowl. He had been awake for over 24 hours and was delirious. Cody, the boy who usually says about 10 words total in one day, was singing, dancing, and posing for pictures whilst bowling. It started this morning when he greeted me on my way to the shower, "Good morning, Allison! How are you?" Continued as we left for work, "Have a wonderful day at work, guys!" And progressed when I got home, "Why, Allison, I didn't know you were home!" After I chased a cat in my tomato plants, he explained, "Oh that kitty was sleeping on the porch today. I watched him through the window while I was eating skittles and drinking Mt. Dew." And the queen mother of all antics, as he lay in the floor of the living room, he hollers "Bah. Bah. Beans. Can you hear that echo? Balls. Balls. Bean. Boob. Can you hear it?" There was no echo. The boy had lost it.

Toot my own horn.

I've been looking at people's wedding pictures online, and I'm just gonna go ahead and say that mine and Doogie's wedding was so much better than theirs. I had the prettiest groom, most gorgeous bridesmaids, prettiest dress, most beautiful flowers, yummiest cake, best guests, I mean, it was spectacular. Some of the photos I was checking out on facebook, Lord God, there are some ugly grooms! Hideous flowers! Tacky gowns! And I bet they spent triple what we did. Of course, the ugly grooms cann't really be fixed with cash, but, damn, they needed me as their wedding planner.

Toot! Toot!

The Animal

At Aunt Eunice's funeral, Boomer met her Great Uncle Anmer for the first time. Below is part of the conversation that followed:

Boomer: Uncle Anmer, I hear they used to call you "The Animal" 'cause you were so wild. Is that true?

Amner: I reckon, and they used to call me a lot worse, too!

Boomer: I met your daughter today.

Anmer: Who? Joy?

Boomer: No, Rose. She is really nice.

Anmer: Let me tell you one on her. I was at old man so-and so's funeral back about 3 years ago, and she comes up to me. She says, "Do you know who I am?" And I said, "Why yeah, you're Bruce Fletcher's girl." And she got real serious like and said, "No, I ain't. I'm your girl." [Anmer cackles] Now, that was a new one on me!