Another Random Post

People, I've done something to anger the higher beings for I have had Enrique Iglesias's I Need to Know stuck in my head for the past few days. How did that even happen? Where did I hear this horrendous song? Worse, was it just stuck in my subconscious all these years waiting to break free? I don't even know the lyrics. All I know is, "If it's true don't leave me all alone out here wondering if you're ever gonna take me there. Tell me baby girl, cause I need to know. I need to know. I need to know. Tell me baby girl, cause I need to know." I wonder if these are even correct. I would look up the video on youtube but I cannot do that to myself. UNLESS, maybe if I listen to the song completely, it will finally exit my brain? That's an experiment I'm not willing to conduct, folks. Not now. Not on the verge of sleepdom. I don't want to be caught in that zone between being awake and being asleep, and having Enrique sing to me over and over, the same freaking lyrics, which probably aren't even correct. MAKE IT STOP!

In other news, I heard this story on NPR (Doug loves when I start a conversation like that) that claimed

Julian and Jonas enjoying strawberries at Sam's.

people are more stressed at home than they are at work. Evidently some broad and a group of her friends conducted a study where they swabbed people's mouths at work and at home and tested the saliva for whatever you look for that denotes a high stress level. I can't remember. (That's the thing with these NPR stories, I generally only remember about 1/4 of what was said.) Anyhow, this broad claims that people are actually more stressed out at home than at work. She went on to say that this was true not only for parents, but for folks who had no children. WHAT? There is no way on this earth that my home life pre-babies was more stressful than my work life. How is deciding which show to binge watch on Netflix more exhausting to your mind than figuring out what the heck the pharmacokinetics of so-and-so's drug means when testing said drug in humans? See, just the mention of pharmacokinetics makes me sweat. Pass the popcorn and let's fire up Season 1 of the Sopranos. These people are doing it wrong if their escape is work! Or maybe I need their job. 

Just because it's funny: Jonas trying to eat
Oreo icing while keeping a lanyard in his mouth.

The boys and I went to Sam's today. There we shopped with all the senior citizens who just love them some twin boys. The old ladies love that they are so cute. The old men love that they clutch hot wheels cars in their hands as they chomp on Sam's samples and whatever they can dig out of the shopping cart. Most times, their choice snack is BBQ chips. Today, it was strawberries. Haven't been able to get them to eat a strawberry in a while, but, by golly, today they had to have them. I think they ate about 4 big strawberries each before we made it out of the store. I was wondering if any strawberries would make it home. Crazy critters. We do enjoy our Tuesdays and Thursdays. How can this be more stressful than work?

A Trip to Dwarf, Time Flies, Blueberry Pie, and A Cat for Sale

The boys snuggling at Beetle's.

For Mother's Day, the boys and I headed down to the country. We went to visit Beetle and the gang in Dwarf. We were flying solo, no Daddy Doug. (Hindsight: What the hell was I thinking?!) Now, the trip home is about 3.5 hours. Normally, we don't have any stops. We usually hit a drive-thru for supper, but otherwise, it's a straight shot. Luckily, this was the case on this day, too. I, of course, thought about nothing but having to potty for the whole drive. A pregnant woman tinkles about 1000 times a day. How was I going to make it 3.5 hours without a potty break? What if I HAD to stop? What would I do with the boys? I had it all planned out. I'd hold it til I got to Red River Gorge where I knew the rest stop was clean. Then, I'd strap the boys into their wagon, and haul their rumps in there with me. Luckily, for the sake of us all, I had good bladder control. We made it to Dwarf without incident. Hit up Arby's drive-thru once we got to Hazard, and you would never guess (or maybe you would if you are from a small town) who waited on me. My prom date! He didn't recognize me, and I didn't want to make things awkward, so I just thanked him and moved along. Life is funny.

Anyway, the 4 days at Beetle's were exhausting. I ran after boys from 6am (yes, they decided to wake up

"We're coming for you, Julian!"

extra early to get the fun started) until 8pm. Uncle Bob gave Jonas a hot and spicy pork rind, which, as you can imagine, did not go over well. Oh, and one morning I awoke to hear Julian screaming bloody murder. I went to check on him, and he was staring up at the walls with a complete look of horror on his face. The room in which they sleep is the room of death. Great big buck heads and poor ole fish mounted on every inch of the wall. Poor guy. I bet he thought he was in some sort of wild dream. Woke up to see deer coming for him out of the walls! I've scarred my child for life.

Another thing you should remember when you travel with toddler boys-- they bring with them a lot of toys. These toys generally make a lot of noise. Doug had loaded the van for me the morning before we hit the road, but he forgot to load their scooters, so I tossed them in the back on our way out. I must've thrown them so that they landed wrong-side-up because all the way to Dwarf, if I went around a curve or made a stop, I'd hear the Batmobile rev its engine, followed by a threatening, "IT'S OVER, JOKER!"

After my weekend adventure, I suddenly found myself back at work. Isn't it funny (more like depressing) how that always happens? I was in the break room when a coworker approached me. I asked how he was doing and we exchanged general pleasantries. Then he said this to me, "When you came here, you were a little girl. Now you are a mother and will soon have 3 babies. Time flies!" It is true. I started my job right out of college, a long 8 years ago. And here I am now, an old married woman, mother of 2 boys, and soon to add another to the brood. Time really does fly. It feels like it all happened over night.

Dacian making me a pie!

So, Dacian and I made a blueberry pie the other day, just thought you should know. Actually, it is more accurate to say that Dacian made the pie. We were in the middle of pie making when 2 little dudes awoke from their nap. I had to go upstairs to check on them, and ended up rocking them both back to sleep, only they didn't want to sleep in their cribs, they wanted to sleep on me! There we were, piled to the max, about to break down the ole recliner, all 3 sawing logs.

Anywho, the pie was tasty. Dacian and I were too impatient to let it set. When we got our slices, the pie was more like a cobbler. All the same, it was delicious!







You know, in my last post I was singing the praises of a cat. In this post, I'd like to try to sell one. Actually, he is free. Take him. You want him. You need him

CAT FOR SALE

Yoshi Furoshi the Stink Prince is a obese muscular cat who absolutely abhors adores children. He has been neutered and is declawed, so won't ruin your furniture. Unless he pees on it. Has a small health problem relating to his urinary tract and requires lots of very expensive prescription cat food love. Leave a message in the comments if interested in adopting this young fellow.

Return of the Jedi

Check out Jonas putting out the vibe.

I've been away for awhile, but I'm back. I've mostly been sleeping, eating ice cream, punching Doug, catching up on Game of Thrones...you know, the normal stuff people do after the kids go to bed and you have that tiny but wonderful window of free time.

Some things:

I went to Wal-Mart the other day and I was reminded of two things: 1. I hate Wal-Mart. 2. I hate teenagers.

By now, everyone knows I'm pregnant, right? Well, I've been having some wild pregnancy dreams. You ask, "Allison, how can your dreams get any weirder?" I don't know, but somehow they have. Examples:

• I dreamed I was pregnant with twins. Only, one twin was a giant hershey bar.
• I dreamed that I forgot Doug's birthday and in retaliation, he kicked me and the boys out of our home. He also somehow got me fired from my job. I was an unemployed, homeless, single mother of two. I got into a fight with this homeless broad who wanted one of my babies. "You have two! Don't be selfish! Give me one of those babies!" For the record, that hag went down! And I woke up madder than hell.
• I dreamed that Lorelei Gilmore was my sister, and she had written a hit song and I was to perform this song with her, only I did not know the words. She said, "When it's your turn to sing, you'll know the words, just belt it out. We make $3 every time we sing it." Three whole dollars!
• I dreamed that my Grandma and I had entered a crafting competition and our first event was to design a koala out of cheerios.

I could go on and on, but it only gets worse. I blame the hormones, and maybe the ice cream right before bed.

Do you remember that show where they stuck hidden cameras in people's cars and recorded them singing to

the radio? I think it was on VH1. I was thinking of this show as I drove home from work. If there was a camera in my car and folks were watching and listening to me sing--the horror! the horror! Cruising down 71 in my red station wagon, sporting my Ferris Bueller Raybans, sipping on grape flavored water, grooving and singing to the Reverend Al Green's Let's Stay Together. Folks, I got soul. You should hear me hit those notes, it's like you're riding in the car with Al himself! "Loving you whether times are good or bad, happy or saaad!"

As if this post couldn't get any more random, I am leaving you with this ode.

When they first began to bond.

Ode to Flash Gordon Gastright 

We adopted you when

You were just a tiny cat.

You stole hearts of men,

You killed a disgusting bat.

You're no longer the baby,

You have 2 human brothers.

Julian loves you the most,

His love hurts you, maybe?

His hug probably smothers--

You never whimper, only boast. 

O, Flash Gordon Gastright!

You take torture like a champ.

Your love for Jules is out of sight!

Maybe it's not an entire ode, I'm not John Keats, people. Anyway, you get the point. In the past few days, I have seen Flash Gordon get his tail pulled, get run over by a toddler on a Batmobile, and get smothered with hugs and kisses. Never has that poor cat run away or hissed or done anything but snuggle right back! Why, even when Julian is not around him, Flash will seek him out, crawl up on the couch and sit next to him. What a kitty!

Lt. Dan, Ice Cream. Lt. Dan, Iiiiice Cream

Butter pecan, my favorite!

I'm glad Doug wasn't up here just now to see me lick chocolate off of my shirt. He told me earlier today that I had enough ice cream bar sticks on my nightstand to build a cabin. I can't help it that Haagen-Dazs makes a mighty fine chocolate-almond crunch ice cream bar, can I? I mean, who wouldn't want to lick that off a shirt? Give me a break, dude.

My nightly ice cream bar reminds me of my Pappaw and old Barksdale Cornett (the family dog, as you recall). When he wasn't enjoying a big tub of popcorn**, Pap

Pappaw's college yearbook photo.

delighted in a eating a cup of ice cream. After he had polished it off, he'd let Barksdale lick the cup. A match made in Heaven. In fact, I bet they're up in Heaven right now, maybe even sharing some butter pecan.

Speaking of butter pecan, I may have shared this story with you before, but one of my favorite memories of my Pappaw involved a trip to Lexington and a stop at Baskin Robbins. Now, we didn't have any ice cream shops in Dwarf, so when I was presented with the opportunity to pick from all those delicious-looking flavors of ice cream, I went wild. However, I was a dumb kid, and I chose bubblegum ice cream. It was pink and had pink chiclets buried inside. Also, it was inedible. I took one bite of that sickness and immediately knew that I had made a horrible, disgusting decision. Pappaw must've seen the sadness in my eyes because he asked me if I wanted to switch ice creams. What a man! He forced that bubblegum crap down while I enjoyed his delicious scoop of butter pecan.

**I can't wait until the dudes are old enough to eat popcorn. We'll eat it every night! Oh, how I loved staying all night with Mommaw and Pappaw! I knew as soon as Wheel of Fortune came on, Pap would be in the kitchen making a giant bowl of popcorn (always making sure I got my portion in a special bowl). Mmm I can smell it now.

Bob Dylan, Oreos, Possums, and the Alphabet

Every time I hear Bob Dylan's Don't Think Twice It's All Right, my mind travels back to Manchester, Tennessee. It was the middle of summer and hotter than hellfire. As soon as we arrived, I thought, "What have I done?" A camping festival? With hippies? Certainly I did not PAY for this, right? But there I was, and one of the main reasons I had gone was to see Bob Dylan. I suffered through the heat, filth, and random naked stoners and finally the day arrived. My buddies and I made it over to the stage where Bob was to perform. We landed ourselves a great seat and settled in for a fantastic show. Ugh, but the hippies. Bob started to sing Don't Think Twice, and this goofy kid with a Sonny Bono haircut started dancing around like he's in a freaking mosh pit. "Goodbye's too good a word, babe, so I'll just say..." "YOU'LL SAY, 'FARE THEE WELL,' BOB. FARE THEE WELL!!!" If the song wasn't so awesome, that guy could've totally ruined it for me.

Let's move on.

My child is an addict. That's right, folks. Julian needs Oreos like he needs air. The

other day, I received a text from Kay (our babysitter):

Julian wouldn't eat his mac-n-cheese and green beans. I asked him what he wanted and he pointed at the bar and said, "Cook!"

Another thing that kid can't live without is his possum. I wish you could see him with this thing. He loves it! Every night when we walk into his room, he marches over to his bed and gets his possum. When we went to my Grandma's a few weeks ago, I jotted down a list of items not to forget:

Toothbrushes

Deodorant

Sippy cups

Julian's possum

As for the other dude, The Bear's new thing is walking around with a blanket over his head. He thinks this is hysterical. When he's not being a goof, he's being a genius. The kid scares me. He knows the following letters: B, O, K, Y, T, and S. He refuses to eat with utensils, but kid can identify some letters.

One more thing before I go...could someone please explain to me how the spawn of the man who created The Muppets, Sesame Street, Fraggle freaking Rock, and Dinosaurs bring to life such a horrendous show as Sid the Science Kid? Poor Jim Henson, having his name associated with such refuse.

Terrifying.

Toys at the Table

He can't fathom eating food with a fork or a spoon, but a dump truck he'll do.

The Art of Eating an Oreo

THE JONAS METHOD: You eat the icing first. Very carefully scraping off each nugget of goodness with your index finger and promptly licking it off.

 THE JULIAN METHOD: All the goodness all at once!