A Note to New Parents

Dear Moms and Dads,

Consider these few pearls of wisdom as you begin your journey through parenthood. I've been a Mom for 3 years now. I know nothing, but I've learned and am learning a lot.

Rock your baby to sleep every night. Every night. You'll soon miss it.
The boys got too cool for Mom to rock when they were around 1, and I tell you, it was depressing. I take advantage of rocking my little Monster every night. She hums with me until she falls asleep. It is the most precious thing.

Remember to take lots of pictures and videos and post them to social media on the daily.
Yeah, so people will get annoyed with you and probably block you on Facebook, but who cares? You'll have a timeline of your family's daily life at your disposal whenever you get a hankering to see what you were up this very day 2 years ago. It's awesome. I could spend hours on my own Facebook page just looking at pictures of The Dudes. Oh, and while we're on the topic, please make a point to get in the pictures yourself. You know I hate selfies as much as the next person, but it's incredibly lame to realize too late that you don't have a single picture of yourself with your babies. I had to give myself a talking to fairly recently regarding this very topic--Suck it up, get over yourself and your whole "I'm a beached whale with a red face" self-image problem, a taking an effing picture with your kid. You'll thank me later. They'll thank you later.

You don't have to buy as much crap as you think.
Please. Please, I am begging you. For the love of God, do NOT buy a damn crib bedding set. I'm fired

up about this because I just came across $300 worth of crib bedding that I never even used. Why did I buy that? I wanted everything to be cute and perfect, and failed to realize that you cannot put half of that stuff in/on the crib without causing danger to your child. Let me tell you what you'll need: a waterproof mattress cover and a couple of sheets. Bam. Done. $30. End rant.

Oh, do buy lots of toys. It's fun to spoil your child. No one agrees with me on this topic, but I say you can never have too many hotwheels or books.

If you're a working Mom/Dad, leave the house early.
As in, when the babies are still sleeping. I do this, and it is perfect. If I had to see those little goomers before leaving, I would never get out of the house. This morning, Little Monster was awake. I had to give her to Doug, and she cried. It broke my heart. Sneak out. It's the only way.

Don't buy clothes that you want to keep pristine.
They're going to destroy everything. It's what they do. It kills me when we're out somewhere and I hear a parent tell her kid, "Don't do that, you'll destroy your shirt." Lady, why did you bring them here, dressed in that, if you wanted them to not get dirty? P.S. THEY'RE JUST CLOTHES. Give me a break. Go to freaking Carter's and buy some good ole cotton clothes that can handle some dirt and some wear and deal. End rant 2.

Lay off other parents.
So, I literally just hypothetically judged and yelled at another parent, and now I'm telling you to lay

off other parents. What? Did I ever say I was perfect? Back to my point. We all have different ways of parenting. One bloke might think iPads do nothing but rot children's brains, while another thinks the opposite. One lad might think giving a kid chocolate will turn them into a diabetic, and the other may think buying organic is just marketing. You say tomato, I say tomato. That doesn't really translate here, does it? The point being, worry about raising your kid before you try to raise someone else's. Capiche?

Patience you must have, my young padawan.
I cannot stress this enough. Just practice this mantra, "I love being a Mom. I love being a Mom." Being a parent is the hardest job ever. Your patience will be tested on the daily. But you'll likely survive to tell the tale.

Which leads me to my last tip.

Try to capture the memories.
I know we've already discussed the pictures. Do that. But also try to find time to write down some things. As you know, I cannot craft, so there are no baby books. But! What I do have is this little blog to keep my words forever because the internet never forgets. I get great joy from reliving memories, and maybe my babies will find it amusing some day, too.