A Note to New Parents

Dear Moms and Dads,

Consider these few pearls of wisdom as you begin your journey through parenthood. I've been a Mom for 3 years now. I know nothing, but I've learned and am learning a lot.

Rock your baby to sleep every night. Every night. You'll soon miss it.
The boys got too cool for Mom to rock when they were around 1, and I tell you, it was depressing. I take advantage of rocking my little Monster every night. She hums with me until she falls asleep. It is the most precious thing.

Remember to take lots of pictures and videos and post them to social media on the daily.
Yeah, so people will get annoyed with you and probably block you on Facebook, but who cares? You'll have a timeline of your family's daily life at your disposal whenever you get a hankering to see what you were up this very day 2 years ago. It's awesome. I could spend hours on my own Facebook page just looking at pictures of The Dudes. Oh, and while we're on the topic, please make a point to get in the pictures yourself. You know I hate selfies as much as the next person, but it's incredibly lame to realize too late that you don't have a single picture of yourself with your babies. I had to give myself a talking to fairly recently regarding this very topic--Suck it up, get over yourself and your whole "I'm a beached whale with a red face" self-image problem, a taking an effing picture with your kid. You'll thank me later. They'll thank you later.

You don't have to buy as much crap as you think.
Please. Please, I am begging you. For the love of God, do NOT buy a damn crib bedding set. I'm fired

up about this because I just came across $300 worth of crib bedding that I never even used. Why did I buy that? I wanted everything to be cute and perfect, and failed to realize that you cannot put half of that stuff in/on the crib without causing danger to your child. Let me tell you what you'll need: a waterproof mattress cover and a couple of sheets. Bam. Done. $30. End rant.

Oh, do buy lots of toys. It's fun to spoil your child. No one agrees with me on this topic, but I say you can never have too many hotwheels or books.

If you're a working Mom/Dad, leave the house early.
As in, when the babies are still sleeping. I do this, and it is perfect. If I had to see those little goomers before leaving, I would never get out of the house. This morning, Little Monster was awake. I had to give her to Doug, and she cried. It broke my heart. Sneak out. It's the only way.

Don't buy clothes that you want to keep pristine.
They're going to destroy everything. It's what they do. It kills me when we're out somewhere and I hear a parent tell her kid, "Don't do that, you'll destroy your shirt." Lady, why did you bring them here, dressed in that, if you wanted them to not get dirty? P.S. THEY'RE JUST CLOTHES. Give me a break. Go to freaking Carter's and buy some good ole cotton clothes that can handle some dirt and some wear and deal. End rant 2.

Lay off other parents.
So, I literally just hypothetically judged and yelled at another parent, and now I'm telling you to lay

off other parents. What? Did I ever say I was perfect? Back to my point. We all have different ways of parenting. One bloke might think iPads do nothing but rot children's brains, while another thinks the opposite. One lad might think giving a kid chocolate will turn them into a diabetic, and the other may think buying organic is just marketing. You say tomato, I say tomato. That doesn't really translate here, does it? The point being, worry about raising your kid before you try to raise someone else's. Capiche?

Patience you must have, my young padawan.
I cannot stress this enough. Just practice this mantra, "I love being a Mom. I love being a Mom." Being a parent is the hardest job ever. Your patience will be tested on the daily. But you'll likely survive to tell the tale.

Which leads me to my last tip.

Try to capture the memories.
I know we've already discussed the pictures. Do that. But also try to find time to write down some things. As you know, I cannot craft, so there are no baby books. But! What I do have is this little blog to keep my words forever because the internet never forgets. I get great joy from reliving memories, and maybe my babies will find it amusing some day, too.

A Brother's Support

When you're an almost 3-year-old, life is full of new challenges every single day. So much to learn! Take potty training, for example. Why are you expected to suddenly stop going whenever and wherever you please and start sitting on a potty? It's so hard! Luckily for Jonas, he has a strong support system in his best buddy and brother, Julian. (Never mind the fact that this brother should also be attempting to use the potty, but instead screams bloody murder at the very mention of the p word.)

"Oh, look! Pee pee!"

"Yes. Pee in the potty!"

"High five!"

Photo credit goes to Miss Rachel. There's also a nice video, but there's a full frontal shot that Jonas probably doesn't want leaked (bahahaha, get it)!

Goomers gooming around the house

Look at those faces. Takes such concentration to make car noises.

Just playing on the iPad, all casual like.

Mom! Don't make me sit next to HER!

It's truly heartbreaking when you cannot fit both knees inside your shirt.

Helpin' Ma fold the laundry.

Doesn't everyone watch TV upside down?!

Cute boys.

Wow! 8 months already!

Too close for comfort.

An acceptable distance.

Going for a cruise.

And the activity cube entertains another baby!

Potty Training

Well, we started potty training today. It lasted about 4 hours. After that, I succumbed to the chaos and gave up. I feel like I have to be with them at all times, and that's just impossible when you're caring for 3 kids. So, we'll take our 4 hours of training and our 1 pee-pee in the potty, and call it a win for day 1. 

Tomorrow, we'll start it all over. Hopefully, they'll be potty trained by the time they head off to college. Or maybe by the time we head to the beach in the fall! 

P.S. I'm open to all potty training pointers.

There is a Monster in our House

Being a parent is hard.

One constant is you're always tired.

The amount of "me time" you are allotted is abysmal. Before Monster, I had a good system down. Boys go to bed at 8, and since I get up at 6:30 for work,  I'd aim to get to sleep by 11. I had 3 whole hours to do whatever my little heart desired. I could go on late night rambles with my good buddy for ice cream. I could take long baths. I could spend hours on Amazon.com searching for some things I didn't need. The possibilities were endless.

Enter Monster.

The beastly Monster wrapped in her puppy dog towel!

The boys still go to bed at 8, but now I have a new little creature to absorb my "me time." And last night, she was in rare form. Usually, I feed her around 8 or 9, rock/snuggle her for an hour or so, and then put her to bed. She sleeps until around 6, I feed her, put her back in her crib, then get ready for work.

Last night, however, she decided that she was going to party all night. She ate and laid down around 9. I went about my business, showering, getting clothes ready for work, etc. Just about the time I got cozy in bed with Order of the Phoenix, I heard a little monster grunting.

"Maybe if I sit here quietly and pretend I didn't hear her, she'll go back to sleep." Grunts continued, then advanced to fury. I grabbed the little thing from her crib before tears shed.

I fed her again, rocked and snuggled, and put her to bed. But that was not good enough! She started to get angry (and trust me, you won't like it when she's angry).

Because he wasn't going to bed immediately, my beautiful husband took baby duty. That lasted about an hour until I was awoken by the wild hollers of a banshee. (As a testament to the volume of her cries, a certain tenant complained about the noise today. Lucky Dacian! His bedroom is right above the nursery.)

Eeevil. Evil is her one and only name.

Anyway, when I got Monster at 1 this morning,  she had turned into the Squirminator. No position was comfortable. My arms could not satisfy her, and what's more,  her crib was made of acid. I defaulted to my old tried and true strategy of humming Christmas songs and smothering with Mommy hugs.

Finally! After great effort, she was asleep.

What seemed like 15 minutes later, I was up and at it again. Diaper change, bottle, rocking. I fell asleep dreaming about Quidditch. I awoke briefly, feeling Monster's bottle fall from my hand. I repositioned the Squirminator best I could and commenced rocking. "Five points from Gryffindor for falling asleep while feeding the baby," said Prof McGonagall as I drifted off to lala land once more.

A few grunts later, I was awake, singing again to Monster, who finally seemed to be giving up the good fight. I held her tiny hand and kissed her button nose. She didn't look so vicious afterall! What a precious little Monster!

By now, it was time to get ready for work. The bed, as wonderful as it looked, would have to wait until much later tonight.

And it actually didn't even matter.

Sleep and "me time" are pretty spectacular. But. One day, the Squirm is going to be a big girl. She won't need her Mommy to sing Christmas carols and snuggle her tight. True, this is a hard concept to grasp at 4 in the morning, but I have to remember! Time flies. I've got to savor all the moments. Someday, in the not-so-distant future, I'll be wishing I had these moments back. 

Love my little Monster!

Eyes All Over the Place

Having cameras throughout our house is such a convenience. I love being able to check on the boys at any given time. I'm in the kitchen making food and can't leave the goetta, I just grab my phone and keep an eye on things while I'm at the stove. I start missing them at work, I pull out my phone and see how they're doing. Hear a noise upstairs during sleeping hours, I check the phone and see which cat is lurking in the boys' room that should've been kicked out at bedtime. 

And perhaps the greatest advantage of all: The boys basically think we are omnipotent. Doug is continuously busting suckers left and right! If you could only see their little faces when they realize they've been caught! "But how, Dad?! How did you know I was pulling Yoshi's tail?!"

Here are a few hidden camera moments for your viewing pleasure. 

The dudes snuggling in the floor while their cars and alligator rest easy on the beds.

Hey, dude, where's yo pants?!

Monster getting her snooze on.

Joe Cool.

Joe Sith.

At least somebody uses those beds.

This looks safe.

Joe Ghost featuring Catzilla as Baby Kate.

Goetta every morning.

Early morning snuggles with Grammy.

Plasma Car

The plasma car.

The plasma car with 3 passengers.

The plasma car with 4 passengers.

Ron Weasley, What a Cool Dude

Last night, I finished Goblet of Fire and moved onto Order of the Phoenix. (Prepare thyself for many more Harry Potter-themed posts.)

I want you to know that Ron Weasley is my favorite. I feel like we would be best buds. We both really love candy. We like to run our mouths a bit. Ron's temper is probably a little shorter than mine, but we both just cannot deal with people. We are hilarious (right, Doug?). He has twin brothers. I have twin sons. And we both say reckon a lot. Total besties. Hell, I would venture to bet that if I introduced him to Kentucky basketball, Ron would be plastering posters of Willie Cauley-Stein next to those of his beloved Chuddley Cannons! 

But then again, who doesn't want a WCS poster?!

My obsession (with Harry Potter) is becoming unhealthy. We all know my relationship with Kentucky basketball has always been out of control.

Hermoine, She's All That

So, I've been reading Harry Potter lately. I'm on Book 4 (Goblet of Fire). I realize everyone else on earth has read the series, but, please, no spoilers! (And if it is possible that you haven't read the series, stop reading this post. I wouldn't want to spoil anything for you!)

Anyway, if you're familiar with the books, I've just read about the Yule ball, and Hermione just had her "She's All That" moment. I'm talking about that moment in a book/movie when a nerdy girl brushes her hair, puts on a little makeup, and suddenly she's a bombshell. Transformation from geek to hottie made complete once she captures the eye of that dude she's been crushing on for ages. (Side note: Miss Granger's makeover is a little more legit as she used magic to fix her teeth; she had to do a little more than take off her black-rimmed glasses.)

This, my friends, is where I tell you that I always wanted a "She's All That Moment."

I wasn't overly nerdy in school (in my opinion, others probably disagree). I didn't wear glasses. I didn't have buck teeth like Hermione. I was just your average teenager. But yet, if I would've had that makeover, I could've changed the world. 

I would've been so popular and cool. Though, I was so removed from that world, I'm not even

Me circa 2001-2002

entirely sure I knew who the popular kids were. As far as I can recall, there weren't any Slytherins at good ole Perry Central, and I never got picked on by the likes of Pansy Parkinson. 

And then, there's the crush to think about. Who's eyes would I have opened to my once dormant beauty? There was no stud jock who teased me that I adored. I wasn't in love with my best friend. I had no one to win over. Perhaps that's why I never had my "She's All That Moment." You need the boy to impress. Who cares if you get dolled up for yourself? It's all about the love connection, man.

Hey, come to think of it, there was a little fellow who I always thought was super cute. His name was Shadrach. He didn't know me. I didn't know him, 'cept for his name. But, in my memories, he is very Cedric Diggory-like. Yes, very Hufflepuff indeed. Probably very good at Quidditch, too. Wherever you are, Shadrach, I hope you know that somewhere on this planet a girl who you used to not know is comparing you to Cedric Diggory. That should make you happy. Or ultra creeped out. Whichever. 

Kate and her Pears

Today Baby Kate ate baby food for the first time.

Getting ready for her first bite.

Looking pretty nervous.

Totally unimpressed.

Proud big girl.

Happy to see her bottle coming!

A Day in Pictures (Friday at 125)

When I returned to work from maternity leave, I started a new work schedule. Before, Tuesdays and Thursdays were my favorite days because those were my days at home. Now, I work a little more, and my only weekday off is Friday. Since I've only got one day, I've got to make a point to live it up with my dudes and little lady.


That being said, living it up is hard to do in the winter time. We're confined to 125. Moreover, since temps have been BELOW ZERO, we're confined to a couple of rooms at 125. Old houses are hard to heat, folks. Close up those pocket doors and huddle together to keep warm!

We got along pretty well anyhow. Here's a few pictures from our Friday.

Waking up the dudes. One was happy, one...not so much.

You see, Mom, I can't sleep in my bed, it's a road for my cars!

The little hobbits enjoy their first breakfast: muffins and milk!

Trying to hoodwink Dad into staying at home.

Styling and watching Looney Toons.

Monster!

Getting some work done in his office (aka the closet).

Channeling their inner Bob Ross.

Playing with a cauldron of dried macaroni. What? Is that weird?

Taking a call on his banana phone.

Perfecting her spit bubble game.

Tummy time!

Feeling fancy.

Brrrr.

Snuggling with Uncle Dacian.

Monster looks so tiny in her crib.

Snuggle brothers (and Poss)