Practicum Project

As you all know, I've been working on my practicum project from graduate school for quite sometime. Thursday is the big night, and I pray that it is successful! Wish me luck!

"Welcome to Dwarf, Center of the Universe!" I must've read that sign a thousand times as a kid, but only lately have I developed an appreciation for and a deep love of my hometown in Southeastern Kentucky. For my practicum project, I wrote a creative non-fiction book of short stories from my family's past. As a public historian, this is the type of work I want to do. My goal is to be a contract historian, researching local history and writing about it in traditional and non-traditional ways. In addition to the collection of short stories, I also developed a lesson plan directed toward elementary teachers for a oral history writing project.

The inspiration for this project came from a foodways assignment in our oral history class in fall 2010. For this foodways project, we were to interview a member of our family regarding a family recipe. We then took the information gathered from the interview and wrote a short narrative to share with the class. I interviewed my Mommaw, Alice, for this activity and her tale of making popcorn balls captivated me. The story gave me insight to her childhood and what life was like in Appalachia in the 1930s. She told me of how the family grew its own popcorn, traded cornmeal for molasses, and churned milk into butter--the milk of course came from their cows, Blackie, Daisy, Mott, and Alice. Yes, Mommaw had a namesake and it was a cow!

From this assignment, I knew I had landed on something special and decided to do my practicum project on other such family tales. Not only had my oral history class been influential on deciding my project, by the end of the semester, I was a full-fledged oral historian...well, mostly. I also read Kyvig and Marty's Your Family History, which gave invaluable insight on conducting family history projects. Armed with a digital camera and my copy of Sommer and Quinlan's Oral History Manual, I was ready to head to Dwarf to collect some oral histories.

Dr. Bailey has always told us to take classes purposefully, so with the idea of this family history project in mind, and the thought of becoming a contract historian looming, as well, I signed up to take historical editing, the history of Appalachia, and local and regional research for my last couple semesters in the program. Knowledge from all of these courses helped me along the way as I worked to complete my project.

I began the project by researching my family genealogy, which, by the way, is not as easy as those Ancestry.com commercials make it out to be--you actually do have to know a little about what you're looking for! I searched census records, birth and death certificates, military records, and cemetery records. Along the way I discovered the my great--times 6--Papaw, who was the first Cornett to settle in Dwarf, served in the Revolutionary War. I even found and transcribed his war pension. Each discovery helped me piece together the narrative of my family.

The works of Lynwood Montell and Peter Crowe helped me determine an approach to writing. Each of these authors used local history research and oral histories to develop the stories presented in their novels. Additionally, I turned to Kentucky writers, and fellow Appalachians, Gurney Norman and Crystal Wilkinson, for examples. These writers used personal experiences and family stories as a basis for their writing. By studying these authors, I began to see that I could contribute to this canon of work. Not only was my audience my family, but my audience could extend to those interested in Appalachian culture. By telling the story of my family, I also told the story of the region. This was a very empowering discovery.

Our culture in Appalachia has made us a hesitant and at times self-deprecating group. Take for example my Great Uncle Roy. When asked if I could interview him for the project,  he said, "You sure can, but I ain't going to have anything interesting to say. I ain't a war hero. My life history ain't important." But it is, you see! He told me wonderful stories! The story of a people was validated by a story of one and vice versa. You want to know about the history of coal mining in Southeast Kentucky? Well, go talk to my Uncle Roy. He lived it. From seeing family members crippled by work in the mines, to using his daddy's mine number to pay for a trip to the movies, to fighting alongside family members to protect our land from coal barons. His life story tells the history of a region.

As Kyvig and Marty explain, family history projects give you the opportunity to show your family, and yourself for that matter, that their experiences are historically valuable. And, to steal from oral historian Paul Thomson, through this experience, you are able to show ordinary people that history need not be irrelevant to their own lives. To me, this is what being a public historian is all about--connecting history to people!

Freeman Tilden said that as interpreters of  history we should have a love and a passion for our project, whatever that project may be, and that whatever we write with enthusiasm will be read with interest. By now, you've probably picked up on the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed the experience I had working on my practicum project. I can only hope that my enthusiasm is also reflected in my writing.

Paying homage to the inspiration that got me going on this project, I wrote a lesson plan for elementary teachers for an oral history writing project. The lesson plan follows standard education guidelines for Kentucky and can fulfill both social studies and writing requirements. I hope that by showing students from an early age that history can be from the ground up, you can spark an interest, make a connection, make history a personal journey. You can show students that history isn't just about dates, wars, and rich old white dudes. History can even be made in the head of a holler in Dwarf, Kentucky, Center of the Universe.

Blue Blooded

Check out this representation of Tayshaun Prince drawn by my little brother some years ago. It still hangs on my Mommaw's fridge.

You Need to Work on Your Delivery

Okay, so sometimes I can be a little dramatic, and the manner in which I deliver news can cause people unnecessary stress. Well...I'm working on it, but change is hard.

Episode 1: Credit Fiasco

This pic has nothing to do with the story, but it's awesome.

When I was in college, I had a credit card. Now, it's a known fact that I have old timers, thus causing me to frequently forget things I should remember. You see where this is going, right? I was delinquent on a payment one month. (Mind you, the credit limit on this card was probably like $150 and I had only charged groceries, so my bill was a whopping $30.) Anyhow, I paid off this credit card shortly thereafter; years passed; and life went on. Then, for some reason, I started thinking about this delinquency I had 6 years ago. I worried about it. I thought, "I'll never be able to get a loan again, especially in this economy." Nevermind the fact that I had bought a brand new car a few years prior (yet still after my neglectful behavior) and had been approved for that loan without incident. I worried that I had destroyed Doug's life (now that I was married to him, my atrocious credit would be his, just like on the Free Credit Report Dot Com commercial). For 2 days I worried myself sick, literally. Then I decided to come clean.
Me: (sobbing) Doug, I need to tell you something. I've done something awful. I've ruined out marriage. You'll never be able to love me again! I'm so sorry!
Doug: (probably freaking out thinking I'd killed somebody or had gotten myself another man or god knows what) Calm down. Stop crying. What is it?
Me: When I was in college, I charged $30 worth of groceries on a credit card because I didn't have any money and then I forgot to pay my biiiiiiill! I was delinquent one month! (hysterical sobs ensue)
Doug: (probably thinking I am going to kill your dumb butt for giving me a heart attack) What?! What are you even talking about?
Me: (still in tears and doing that horrible deep breath thing you do when you cry so hard and can't even talk because of it) I was delinquent! I've ruined your life. We'll never be able to get another loan. What if we have to fix something on the hoooouuuusssee!!!
Doug: [paraphrased] You are mental.

Episode 2: Accident in the Garage
I had a migraine for 2 days. It was one of those migraines that involves the room spinning, the lights blinding, and your lunch returning from the pits of hell. I was so sick I had to leave work early and get home. On the way home, I contemplated pulling off the road to avoid ralphing in my car, correction, in Doug's car. (I had borrowed Doogie's ride that day.)
Doug: (calling on his way to class): Hi, wife. How are you?
Me: I feel so awful. I had a bad accident in the garage.
Doug: (probably freaking out thinking I'd rammed his car through the garage door) What did you do?
Me: (embarrassed) I had a bad headache that caused me to ralph and I didn't make it out of the garage before I exploded.
Doug: [paraphrased] You are mental.

Episode 3: Major Leakage

Last night after class, Doogie (aka the best husband in the world) took me to Smashburger (yes, it was 9 o'clock and I was eating a 10000000 calorie meal, sue me). I made my selection and Douglas ordered while I ran to the little girl's room. Whilst in the restroom, I looked around for a hook from which to hang my purse. No such device was available. "Ha!" says I, "I'll just set my purse on the sink while I do my business." I commence to go about my business when all of a sudden my purse falls into the sink. The sink has one of those dadblamed automatic faucets! Water starts pouring from the faucet onto my cloth purse. I can't do anything about it, I'm mid urination! Oh Christ! My phone! My glorious phone! It is going to be destroyed. Finally, after what seemed like the world's longest wiz, I was able to run to my purse. OMGoodness. It was soaked to the bone! I picked it up and water went everywhere. Then I carried it all over the restroom; I don't know why I carried it all over the restroom. Why do I do the things I do? This could only happen to me! So, I try to save my phone (it was not even in my purse, but in my pocket), and then I start ringing out my purse. Finally, it is not leaking water anymore, so I figure I'll go on outside. I take a look at the bathroom. I have destroyed it. Water everywhere. It looks like an elephant went wee-wee in the middle of the joint. I tried to sop up some of the mess with paper towels, but those dumb things are so thin and cheap that I was just making matters worse. So, I took my wet purse and headed out. Somebody had to be alerted as to the state of that bathroom. Here it was damn near closing time and I had destroyed the place.
Me: Excuse me, ma'am.
Smashburger employee: (probably pissed because I called her ma'am, why did I call her ma'am?) Yes?
Me: I am sorry, but I have made a colossal mess in your bathroom.
Smashburger employee: (probably thinking, great, this dumb broad has ralphed all over the place and I have to go clean it up. I get paid $7.25 an hour. I hate this hag.) That's okay, honey.
Me: (yes, I really did explain the whole situation) You see, there was no hook in the bathroom, so I sat my purse on the sink.....
Smashburger employee: [paraphrased] You are mental.
SIDENOTE: That mushroom and swiss smashburger was AWESOME!

Are You Serious?

Don't judge me based on the bizarreness of my dreams:

I wish I could photoshop Bieber's head on the
Witch King's body.

Saturday night I dreamed that I was Justin Bieber's agent. However, in my dreamland, Justin Bieber was not famous for singing. No, not at all. Instead, his fame stemmed from being known as the world champion cereal mascot slayer. I was his agent and I booked his fights. Donning his suit of armor, which was a replica of the Witch King of Angmar's getup from Lord of the Rings, he slayed Sugar Bear (representin' Golden Crisp), Tucan Sam (Froot Loops), and the Captain (Crunch, ya digg). He was getting ready to fight one of the baddest dudes in town (here is where it gets even wilder), Dr. Who. Apparently, in dreamland there is also a Dr. Who cereal. But Dr. Who was not portrayed by my beloved doctor (David Tennant), he was played by *gasp!* Professor Lasky (of Saved by the Bell the College Years--you know, the prof Kelly K fell in love with)! Like that d-bag would ever be cool enough to be the doctor. At any rate, I don't know who won that epic battle--Beiber or Professor Lasky--I woke up just before show time.

And that's that. I mean, what do you really expect from a girl who had nightmares of Will Smith sacrificing her first born (Mr. Niles) to his weird scientology alien god?!

I don't think CP will ever win the trophy.

In other news, here is a replay of a for real (did not happen in dreamland) conversation we had yesterday with Day-Day:
DV: So, Doug, I hear your Bengals are actually winning games.
Doug: Yes, they've won 6.
DV: Wow. That's more than the 4 they won last year.
Doug: Yep.
DV: And didn't they just trade Peyton Manning?
(long pause as we soak in what we just heard)
AG: Are you serious?
DV: Yeah, I thought they traded their famous QB.
AG: Are you serious?
Doug: Carson Palmer, Dacian. Carson Palmer.
Dacian: Carson Palmer, Peyton Manning. Both names have 2 syllables. I was close.

Things

My toothbrush reminds me of Thing 1 and Thing 2. It has a red and white body and a blue head. I think of the Cat in the Hat and these two blockheads whilst I brush my teeth.

Christmas is only 45 days away! I have so much shopping to do. And there's my letter to Santa that I need to write. "Come and trim my Christmas tree with some decorations bought at Tiffany!"

Cats get on my nerves. Especially cats named Flash Gordon Gastright. Why is it that every morning around 6 AM, I feel little whiskers on my face? And a cold, wet nose! And why, pray tell, does he have to follow me into the bathroom and proceed to bite my leg while I go number 1? Grrr! He is so bad!


I hate school. That is all.

I hope I can find time this weekend to watch Vietnam in HD. Oh yeah, cable has been turned on for not even a week and I am already recording war documentaries. Who's cool? This gal!

Sometimes I dance in my cube. I wonder if anyone ever sees me breakin it down.

I love UK basketball. You know this. Did you see that Morehouse game? Oh! My! God! Yes, I understand it was an exhibition game, but come on! These boys are ridiculous. P.S. I love Kyle Wiltjer and his sky hook. Prepare thyself for an awesome season of basketball.

Grandpas are awesome: Once, I went to Baskin Robbins with my Pappaw. He let me choose whatever flavor I wanted. I, being an idiot child, chose bubblegum ice cream (whoever invented that flavor needs to be smacked upside the head). It was nasty. Even a stupid kid (i.e., me) couldn't eat it. But what did my heroic Pappaw do? Traded me his butter pecan straight up. Pappaws are awesome.

I know I said earlier that cats get on my nerves, but that's only every once in a while (like every damn morning). I mostly love kittens. It makes me sad when, like tonight on my way home from TBo's play (she made a great hooker, like Julia Roberts and shiz), I see a little kitty run across the street. Why isn't that little kitty in his house sleeping with most of his body (like his fat sack area) under the radiator? That's where kitties belong! Tonight when I lay down to sleep, I am going to say a little prayer for the kitties who live out on the street. Stay warm, kittens!

Time Flies. I worry. What's new?

So, let me just say that I cannot believe Halloween is here! I feel so unprepared! We (ie, Doug) haven't even carved a pumpkin yet. We are so behind! I haven't even planned the menu for the party! I just tried on my Halloween costume today! (It fits, by the way, totally rad!) I've only watched The Great Pumpkin 4 times! I must be slipping in my old age.

On top of that, I have two major assignments due this week. One of which is for my practicum. Then I have the lovely requirement of defending/presenting my practicum, which I must do successfully in order to graduate in December. Oh good grief! I am STRESSING! How can it already be time to do this? I am not confident in my abilities, friend. Please, Oh Lord, let this be over with soon! December 17th is rapidly approaching. I am so nervous. I feel like I am going to ralph just thinking about it.

Happy note: I love my Subaru. It is wonderful! Tell me why I have been driving a stick all these years? Automatics are so wonderfully easy to drive. My car just glides on the road like I'm driving the Carebears' Cloud Mobile.

Gross note: I performed surgery on Doug Bear's back. Yes, I had to stop several times in the midst because I thought I was going to pass out, but I did it! He had for-real surgery on his back about a month ago to remove a little lipoma. Well, one of his stitches didn't dissolve, and it was irritating the scar and refusing to heal. So, I called Boomer and she told me I had to yank it out with tweezers and then cut the suture (ie, knot). Oh man, it was so siiiiiiiiick!!! Doug was such a little girl about it, too. (Of course, the words "yank it out" probably did not sound good, especially with me as his surgeon.) Anyway, we survived and his back is healing nicely.

Halloween note: Went to USS Nightmare with some peeps this weekend. It was a fun time. I still think Dent was a little better, but at least we wised up this year and got the express ticket! No waiting in line for over an hour. The coolest part about USS Nightmare was the appearance of Vera (and if you don't get the reference, friend, you need to watch Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE now).

NOTE: I couldn't find a picture of Vera without her gross boobs, so I had to settle for the rat monkey.

Rraaaaar!

Check out my awesome winter hat Doogie bought me at Big Blue Madness.

Dorks

Doug with Codar Cornett of Pheonix Down. Holler.

Allison & Doug's Weekend Adventure

Well, boys and girls, I had a fantastic weekend (it actually started on Wednesday, but we'll still call it the weekend). Here is the re-cap:

Wednesday: The Gastrights of Philadelphia arrived in Covington. I was so excited to see Reese and Grayson, it had been almost a year since we last saw them! Both were cute as buttons and Reese was talking up a storm. She had everyone in Covington wrapped around her little finger. Quote from Uncle Doug on him doing as she commandeth, "I can't help it. Everything she says is just so adorable!" I wish the little goomers lived closer so we could see them more often.

Thursday: Woo-hoo! Thursday was my Friday. I had a pretty busy day at work, but it finally came to an end, and off to the house I went. Hung out with la familia, then headed to Kroger and Walmart to get some camping supplies (snacks, lantern, and ELECTRIC BLANKET).

Friday: Camping trip! The family went to Red River Gorge for a nice camping expedition. I was not thrilled. I'd much rather stay at home, under a roof, in a bed, with the ability to potty and shower when I want. But, alas, I really had no say-so and off to Red River we went. Stopped at Sam's for some bare necessities (ketchup, mustard, 18 Big Red Smokys) and also got my flu shot while I was there. Successful trip. Then onto camp we went. Got to the gorge and set-up the camp site (well, I actually just sat around and supervised, I'm much better in a management position as opposed to an actual laborer). Some Dwarf residents came down to visit and that was fun! I even learned that Codar was in a band, contact him on facebook if you want to book Phoenix Down for your next party.

Friday night: BIG BLUE MADNESS. Lexington was jam-packed and Rupp Arena was bouncing. It's basketball season, baby. Get ready for total Wildcat dominance. Oh yeah! And while we were at Rupp, Doug bought me the most awesome hat known to man. After BBM, came back to the camp ground and froze to death whilst trying to sleep.

Saturday: Got up at the crack of dawn. Hung out at the campground for awhile, then peaced out when it was time for hiking. Have I mentioned that I don't like camping? While the rest of the crew headed to climb a mountain, I drove to D-town to visit Beetle. We had a great time hanging out and though I wanted to stay, I had to head back down to the Gorge to freeze my butt off once again. However, Beetle armed me with an additional quilt, so Saturday night wasn't as miserable as Friday.

Sunday: Time to leave this cursed campground! Headed out early because we had a very important errand to run: PICK UP MY BRAND NEW CAR!!! Hooray! My Subaru finally arrived! Oh, Roxanne (my Subaru's name) is so beautiful. I love her. She has such a smooth ride. She is also much bigger than Betty Blue (whom I miss dearly, but is still out in the garage, at least until Saturday). I have to get used to driving with one foot, though. It is so weird not to have a clutch!!

Look what I found!

Isn't he just the cutest little feller you ever did see? It's Doogie circa 1986! I found this in one of Joe's books tonight while I was doing some research on the Levassors.

Sickness

Look at this sickness Doug found in the basement. I am never going down there again!

Remember Bambi?

Well, it is 8:30 on a Sunday night and the Monday morning blues have set in! I reckon I've had a pretty good weekend, all in all, minus that big 12-hour chunk for the Kentucky Historical Society trip. It would have been less terrible if the joint would've had some information I could use! Oh well! I guess it was still neat to go check it out and browse through its endless stacks of papers. Anyhow, because there wasn't jack shiz on the good ole Levassors (my research topic for class), I decided to look up another infamous bunch: the Cornetts. Didn't find a thing on them, either. Well, that's not true, I found stuff (which blew my mind), it just so happened to be the stuff I already have. I also had time to peruse the county file on Perry County. They had 3 stinking files on Perry County! I almost fell over. How is it that Kenton had 2 files and Perry had 3? Hilarious. Guess what I found in the Perry file? That's right, pictures from when The Duke Boys, Daisy, Rosco, and Boss Hogg were in town for the Black Gold Festival. Check it out on YouTube:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwh9ChXhQ18

But Saturday wasn't a complete bust. That morning, Doogie, the best husband in the world, ordered us tickets to BIG BLUE MADNESS! Oh yeah! It is going to be so awesome!! I cannot wait. Only one month until basketball season! Woo-hoo! Get excited!!

Oh, but I must tell you about Friday! So, we went to a new eatery with the Higgy's and Day-Day: Fatty Patty's. Pretty good spot. The service was a little slow, but the food was mighty tasty. Plus, I didn't even mind the wait, because the company was so good. After our bellies were full, we came home for a movie night, which ended up being half movies and half looking for Dacian's new ride and listening to Doug say, "BOOM" a hundred times when describing his dream car, the Geo Metro (Day-Day ended up getting a Chevy Prism). On Friday night, I also revealed my lovely pie-cutting skills (terrible) and I discovered that I do not like pumpkin pie (but I like pumpkin-flavored other stuffs). Well, about 2 hours later, we finally got to our movies. Here was the line up: It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown; an episode of Modern Family; Monster Squad; and Halloween (Rob Zombie version). Please tell me why I always insist on watching Halloween? Michael Myers scares the candy corn out of me, people! Yet, I continue to torture myself. I will be having nightmares about him for a freakin month!

OMG, I almost forgot, I wanted to ask you, do you remember Zack Morris's alter ego, Bambi? Hahaha! On the bus ride to Frankfort Saturday, this topic came up. Why, you ask. Well, someone said something about a woman named Bambi. I said, "The name Bambi makes me think of Zack Morris's alter ego. Remember? And Screech was in love with Bambi. Oh, Saved by the Bell. How awesome!" See, it's times like that when I need someone in my head to say, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! DON'T SAY THAT OUT LOUD!" 

Obsessed much? Too much? Or much too much?

Children, my husband is obsessed with our inflatable black cat in the front yard and it's ability to attract the attention of Wallace Woods walkers and their dogs. If he hears a dog bark, he is to the front door lickity-split. Then he laughs. "Oh, Allison, come look at this!" He says. You know, because I've never seen a dog before, or kid entranced with a 6 ft tall, glowing, moving, black cat. Okay, so I enjoy it, too. But the man is a man possessed, I tell ya. He has now rigged up a sound bite to play when a passerby stops to see the black cat. It is a Halloween clip of a cat screeching. Let me tell you, it distresses the shiz out of our fursons. But, it makes the ole ball and chains laugh with glee. I am thinking this is going to be a sort of leg lamp deal with us. I'll turn the speakers off to "save electricity," and he'll get angry and turn them back on to traumatize the neighborhood dogs. What can I say? I love the guy.

How much is too much to spend on a Halloween costume? I want a costume that costs $75. I am too big of a tight wad to buy it, but it would be sooooo awesome! Oh, and I have already purchased one costume, so there's another reason I shouldn't order the second one. Someday, when I am rich, I am going to have a Super Sweet Halloween Party and just like those rich cows on that MTV show My Super Sweet 16, I am going to change outfits multiple times throughout the night. When you arrive, I'll be a pirate. An hour later, I'll be Freddy Kruger. An hour after that I'll be Darth Vader. Then, I'll finish the night off as a pumpkin. Wouldn't that be spectacular? Spooktacular!

In other news, my girl crush on Zooey Deschanel continues to grow. Have you been watching her new show, New Girl? If you haven't, I suggest you do so immediately. It is hilarious. Naturally, Zooey's character is the best, but a close second is the character of Schmit. I am telling you, you will laugh out loud at this clown. Last night's episode...I laughed so loudly that I woke up Flash Gordon who was heavily sawing logs. Watch the show!

There's a DINOSAUR in the LIBRARY

I don't know who those chicks are in the photo.

Going to class on Wednesday evening, I did not expect to see what I saw hanging out in the library. Yes, ladies and gentleman, it is true. There is a stegasaurus beetle in the Steeley Library. Yes, ladies and gentleman, it is true. I have been going to school for nearly 2 years and this is my first venture to the library. SUE ME! Anyway, the sculpture really is rad. You know, NKU may be a hideous concrete jungle of a campus, but they do have some pretty cool jazz hanging around the joint.

I wonder if the kid gets the same design as me, too.

Speaking of cool jazz, I  got some new kicks. They are extremely rockin'. How I love TOMS shoes. They are so much like wearing house slippers, except my house slippers are a tad bit warmer. Everyone should own at least one pair of TOMS. You would thank me if you bought a pair. Just think, you get to wear the equivalent of house slippers out in public and some starving child in BFE gets a new pair of kicks, too. Go ahead, buy a pair. [Paid for by TOMS shoes.]

In other news, I am deeply saddened. Last night, Douglas told me that someone is interested in my Betty Blue. For those of you who don't know, we are trying to sell the girl in hopes of buying a new whip (bigger, AWD, AUTOMATIC). Anyway, I don't want to see her go. She is so beautiful! I hope this dude who is coming to see her tomorrow loves her and if he buys her, takes good care of my girl. (This reminds me of that killer Alan Jackson song First Love. "I never should have sold her, I'll always love her, she was mine.")

Gangsta Gangsta

First album dedicated to my sons. Represent.

Get ready, children, I'm about to release a rap album with my homie, Omie. What! Straight outta Dwarf! We'll be takin' our beats to the masses. Passin' the mic to Dacian the Destroyer. Throwin' down some battle lyrics. And generally takin' the rap world by storm. Ain't nobody like us. Look for our first single to debut soon: Kitty in a Basket.

Closet Cusser

Children, Boomer says that Beetle is a closet cusser (i.e., she likes to cuss but only does so when she tells jokes or stories repeated as they were told to her) and I have to agree. I ventured down to Dwarf this weekend for Labor Day and wasn't in the house no more than an hour before she was dropping the bombs. First, she said that she wanted to get my cousin (who shall remain nameless) a t-shirt for Christmas that read, "Professional Smart A$$" across the front. She then went on to tell me of a shirt that I needed to purchase, "My family tree has some freaking twisted branches." Now, I know "freaking" isn't really a cuss word, but I tell you what, it is hilarious hearing it from a 79 year old Mommaw! After those 2 gems, she relayed an Aunt Eunice tale to me:


Matt Bowman worked as a cook at Campton Elementary where Eunice taught. She was a lively woman and didn't give no mind to what came out of her mouth, colorful or otherwise. When something excited her, the phrase she always let out was, "Shut your mouth!" Well, she was down at Eunice's one night and Eunice had told her some big tale, Lord knows what was said, but Matt rared back her head and hollered, "Shut your mouth!" Now, Bethel, who was about 6 or 7 at the time, had been in the kitchen playing while the women were talking. He looked up at Matt and said, "Mrs. Bowman, why do you always tell my mother to shut her mouth?" Matt let out an awful cackle and said, "Oh, Eunice, listen at the little son of a bitch!" 


Beetle is so awesome.

Snuggled kitty

Flash loves his mommy.

Dreams

I rode Bus No. 6

Why are dreams so weird? Last night I had a dream that my mom and dad had to go to the doctor because they had "scoobies," which evidently in my dream world is cooties of the gums. What? That doesn't make a lick of sense! Why on earth would I dream that? In the same dream, I was walking up the holler to my Mommaw's house and was right below her driveway when the school bus came rolling by. Because I didn't want to get run-over or be seen, I jumped off of the road down over the creek bank. That was fruitless, however, and Bill (my old bus driver) stopped and hollered out the window, "Allison, you need a ride to school? Aren't you teaching today?" I answered, "no" and Bill went on his way. Directly, Curt comes busting down the road on my purple bike. "Where are you going, Curt?" He replies, "Going to school. I missed the bus and my truck is tore up, so I have to ride the bike." I asked him, "Do you want me to drive you? [p.s. where was the car when I was hoofing it up the holler to Beetle's?] It's going to be mighty dangerous riding that bike and sharing the road with coal trucks." To which Curt says, "I'm good for the challenge." <---Dumbest dream ever.

Oh, the school bus. Brings back so many memories. My bus seat was shared with my buddy and cousin, John Irvin. In the mornings, we would sleep. We would prop our legs up on the back of the seat in front of us. Because I was the first to get on the bus, I always got the window seat. I propped myself up on that, using my jacket or backpack as a pillow. John would use my shoulder as a pillow. On the ride home, we'd usually do  our homework or tell jokes and make up songs about our cousins. One such song was about John Ed, it was set to the tune of George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone," and went like this, "On the day John Ed was born, he had a turd in his mouth." Classic.

And I'll tell you this one just for shits and giggles because I know you've all heard it. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, Edward Dale Brewer was an 8th grader and was a fellow bus rider. Well, earlier that hot, summer day, I had eaten half of a Snickers (or was it Baby Ruth) candy bar. Instead of throwing the other half away, I simply wrapped back in its package (with some extra tape for good measure) and stuck it in my pocket. On the bus ride home, the candy bar melted. Chocolate was all over the side of my pants. Edward Dale Brewer saw this and proceeded to hang his head out the window of the bus as it drove off and I stood alone at the top of my driveway, "Allison, did you poop your pants? Poopy pants. Poopy pants." What a jerk. If I hadn't have been 8 years old and mortified, I would've thrown a rock at that kid. "Poopy pants." What? Like I poop out the side of my hip!? Stupid Edward Dale Brewer.

Saturday morning at 125

Doug and BC chillin' on the hammock.

Wendy's

Okay, so I slipped up. Sue me!

Anyway, this made my night: I was basically starving to death by the time I left class tonight. My salad lunch had already left me hours ago. Around 7 o'clock I began to daydream about a classic Wendy's single and fries. I knew I had to have them as soon as possible. In front of me in the drive-thru was a mother. I immediately became agitated. I hate when parents stand in line for 20 minutes fighting with their kid over what to get in their kid's meal--nuggets or burger. Just order the damn kid something! Anyway, tonight the wait was worth it. I heard the mother order a junior Frosty, then I saw a little fist fly up from the back seat. Fist-pumping your mom's ordering of a Frosty just for you--now that is something I can certainly get behind!

Pretty Lights

Well, children, I've done it again. I was supposed to arrive to work at 7:30 today, so's I could leave at 4. Get to campus, study, and go to class. Well, for some reason, I had it in my head this morning that I needed to get here at 7. I was sitting here looking at my calendar when I realized what I had done. Son of a biscuit! I could've slept in an extra 30 minutes. Oh well, now I can leave at 3:30 and have a little bit of extra study time at school. It'll all work out. And, on top of that, I got to drive through downtown in the dark, which is always nice because I just love the city lights. Crossing the Roebling while it is all lit up is just magnificent. Made my morning. Maybe someday I'll crack open some of Joe's books on the Roebling and see what it's all about.

Expect me to crash hard around 5 o'clock this evening. I am going to be dragging in class tonight. I hope we don't have to do anything too intense. Here's to hoping we stick with going over the syllabus and lousy introductions! (Is it a bad sign that is the first night of class and I am already hoping it lets out early?)

Fitness Class, Here I Come!

Don't expect me to show up in an outfit like this.

So, Facebook has this thing where it tells you what your status was 1 year ago today. Well, friends, 1 year ago today, I "wanted a cheese coney." This was preceeded by yesterday's 1 year ago today status of, "Allison Gastright made caramel popcorn." Have I always been obsessed with food? Could be worse, I reckon. But, there is hope yet, children. I have enlisted a few friends and we are embarking on a journey of physical fitness. Monday nights we shall attempt Zumba and Thursday nights we shall attend a beginners' workout class. I will let you know if I survive.

On another note, I have turned into my husband. I am now obsessed with cars. Why? I do not need another unhealthy obsession (and I do not need another car). Why can't I be obsessed with cleaning my house? Or eating vegetables? Or doing my homework?

Speaking of homework...it's that time again. First day of class is tomorrow. Wish me luck! Prepare thyself for a 4-month long period of bitching and moaning from yours truly. Here's to hoping I can pull it off and actually graduate in December!

The World's Smallest Sammie

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what you are reduced to when trying to watch your girlish figure. Yes, it may only be 100 calories, but it is also only 3 bites.


***Note: I don't know why the title read, "Sallow." What the heck!? I guess it was auto-correct spelling on my phone. DUMB.

Update

It's a been while since I've written, don't know what's up with that. Blame it on my laziness, I reckon. But I am back dang it, and here's a rundown of what's been going on lately:

My boyfriend, John Wall

Let's start with the coolest thing that has happened to me in quite some time, a night I will cherish forever. Monday night Doug, Chris (what an awesome first trip to Rupp for him!), and I made a trip to Rupp Arena for some basketball action. Former UK players who are now in the NBA played against a Calipari-coached Dominican Nationals Team. OH MY GOD, it was so totally mind-blowing. I got all teary eyed when they did the starting line-up. First, of course, they announced the line-up for the Dominican team--hysterical. The crowd booed former U of L players Garcia and Sosa so badly; it was incredibly, hilariously awesome. Then, they (well, we) gave the same treatment to a former Florida player (Horford). That punk had the audacity to do a gator chomp back at us; oddly enough, I think he got a little respect for that. Oh, and then Eloy Vargas (current UK player who played for the Dominican) got the loudest ovation he'll ever receive in his life (we'll be crying when Cal puts him in the game during the regular season...dude isn't a great ballplayer...of course, that's what I thought about Jorts going into the beginning of last season and we all know what a tremendous senior season he had).

After announcing the Dominican team, it was time for the Pros. The lights went down, the spot lights came on, the speakers were blasting the "let's get fired up" music, and the fireworks were booming (yes, there were fireworks inside Rupp Arena). Oh, so cool! Eric Bledsoe! Keith Bogans! Nazr Mohammed! TAYSHAUN  PRINCE! RAJON RONDO! DeMarcus Cousins! My boyfriend, John Wall! Jodie Meeks! Oh my dear God did I scream my head off. It was epic, children. My words cannot describe what an awesome night that was. Doug and I smiled from ear to ear, simply beaming with joy, as were the other 24,000+ fans. Superb night of basketball in AUGUST.

Monday wasn't all thrills, though. This day also brought pain to my beautiful Betty Blue and my little heart. Because I was leaving early that day to go to Rupp, I came into work very early. I got there around 6:45. It was still dark out on the drive in, and that is why I didn't see whatever it was I run over (it wasn't a human or an animal, I checked for blood, and the sound it made wasn't the sound I think a body would make when it hit a car). Anyway, it was metal or hard plastic of some sort. I ran over it, and it whipped up and hit my driver's side door. Left a nice ding and a scratch. Well, I was thoroughly depressed about it. Doug Bear took it to a few shops and figured it's gonna run me about $600 to get fixed. Now, isn't that just the worst feeling in the entire world...spend that kind of money on something that was fine the day before. Ugh. I could've bought something cool with that cash. *Sigh...

Doug, disregard the John Wall comment.
Know that I love you and you need to buy me this
for Christmas.

Oh, and speaking of cars, don't tell Betty Blue, but I want an Infiniti G37. I told Doogie to buy it for me for Christmas, but I have my doubts that it will actually show up in the driveway with one of those big bows on it. You know, cause me and Doug are so rich that I can afford to just go buy a new car. BUT, someday, I will buy a new car, and it might just be an Infiniti G37 (practical family car--an automatic, which is definitely a requirement for my new ride, and AWD, good in the snow).

Random thought...every time I am writing a report at work and I create an in-text figure and it happens to be Figure 4, I think of The Nature Boy Rick Flair.

So, I started a healthy eating kick again. Let's see how long this one lasts. Oh, but tonight I had a bacon cheeseburger for dinner, so maybe I've already screwed up, BUT, I had fiber Eggo waffles and a banana for breakfast (yay) and a PB&J sammich (multigrain bread and reduced fat PB with just a little tiny bit of blackberry jam) and fruit for lunch (yay again). So, I'm proud of myself. However, I would like to say to hell with Dairy Queen who, on this month where I have decided to eat health, has made NUTTER BUTTER blizzards the blizzard of the month. Heartless bastards.

Lastly, there are a TON of movies out that I want to see. Who's gonna go with me? Crazy, Stupid, Love. Fright Night. Conan. One Day. Let's go to AMC, people!

New hairdo

Terrible picture but whatevs. According to Brent at Pump salon, this is my natural shade. I think it's a bit darker than the natural shade, but I still like it.  Yesterday after leaving the salon, you know, when my hair was actually styled, I felt like IMAP Thurman from Pulp Fiction.

The best Mexican

Tonight I tried something new at El Rio: shrimp fajitas! Delicious!

Treat!

A nice decaffeinated beverage from 2 cool gals. They like me! They really like me!

Zip it. Zip it good.

Went to dinner with a good buddy tonight. We had an adventure & tried something new-- Zips Cafe! It was outstanding and pretty well priced. It was almost as good as a Connie Jones burger.

Aunt Unique's Spray Down

I thought this was cool, so I wanted to share it. Anyway, I based it off of George RR Martin's family trees he does for each house in Game of Thrones. Hey, that bit about the Cornetts being related to a king...I didn't make that up! I have a verifiable source!

HOUSE CORNETT of Dwarf, Kentucky



Family sigil: Copperhead


The Cornetts trace their decent from King Canute, the Great King of England, Denmark, and Norway, the son of Sweyn Forkbeard, King of Denmark. Upon his arrival in Virginia, John Canute changed the spelling of the name to Cornett, which is the spelling used today. The name is pronounced, Corn-it in southeastern Kentucky, and Corn-ette by city folk.

And after that above, I went on to list out the family tree, but I don't want to bore you with that.

Instead, here's a Taulbee tale.

Aunt Eunice’s Big Spray Down as told by Connie Cornett Jones

Once again we were down in Flat Mary visiting my Mommaw Taulbee. Everyone was socializing outside on the carport. The grownups were playing fiddle sticks, and the kids, well, were all running around catching lightning bugs. Mom, Dad, and Uncle Joel (Aunt Eunice’s husband) were waiting on Aunt Eunice to come back from riding her big mare up the holler from Mommaw’s house, they were going to throw horse shoes when she got there. Well, it kept getting later and darker, and finally Uncle Joel said, “Well, Alice, I don't know what to think about your sister. She has got lost on that horse.” About that time, we heard a faint holler. We looked up and saw Aunt Eunice riding toward us. As she got closer, we started smelling this awful odor, and the dogs started to run away from her! Finally, she got close enough to where we could hear her holler, “Joel, get me some tomato juice and some clean clothes! I’ve been sprayed by a skunk!” Everyone started laughing and holding their noses.

New phone

I am posting this blog via my new phone. It rules. Husband is extremely jealous. It is so hard to type on the touch screen when I am used to my keyboard. Oh, but my phone takes 3-D pics!

Morning Commute

These are the new models. A little mini-truck! How cute!

Where do VW Bugs go when they die? They go to a place called Mexico! <---I thought about this on the drive to work this morning when a vintage VW Bug drove by me. "Why don't you ever see any of those on the road? Oh, because they are all in Mexico. I am serious. Mexico is the home of the old school Bug, those Chevy El Caminos (new ones, not old ones), and old Nissan sentras. I wish I knew what those little el caminos were called so I could show you a picture. I know you are envisioning an original el camino, but the ones I am referring to are smaller and were actually made fairly recently.

**Note: I found them! Google = amazing. Chevy Tornado

Another interesting something that happened this morning...I was listening to NPR on the way in, but I really wasn't paying attention until I heard the voice from the dash say, "Fracking." And he said it again and again. What the heck?! Are the cylons coming? What the frack is going on? Evidently, fracking is a term used to describe the process of drilling for natural gas. Pennsylvania is fracking the frack out of the natural gas in its boundaries.

Something great about mornings: Sweet text messages from your true love. : )

Marc and Doug



Marc and Softie, Xmas 2008

 Douglas, Carol, Marc, and I went for a nice dip in the pool this afternoon. During our swim, I asked Marc what he would like for his birthday (he'll be 6 in September). He mentioned that he would dig some Legos and some kind of Godzilla action figure, he told me the specifics but it went in one ear and out the other as soon as he said it. Anyway, Doug was trying to teach the kid how to shoot a basketball (there's a hoop in the pool), and he was cooperative after a little bit of encouragement. At first, Marc proclaimed, "I'm horrible at basketball!" But Uncle Doug told him that wasn't the case, so the boys played ball a bit. So, Doug continued the birthday present conversation with this:

Doug: What about a Nerf basketball hoop for your room?
Marc: No thank you. But I was thinking about a little TV with a remote.

Maybe he can watch some basketball?

That kid is a riot!

Buffalo Bill

Just got home from a 5-hour shopping/having dinner trip with Doug's Aunt Jovita. We had a good time, but boy am I wiped out! I was just anticipating a couple of hours, but time flies when you're having fun. I, of course, took this opportunity to do a little Christmas shopping. Kathy, Boomer, Beetle, and Carolyn now have presents! I am going to have to stop or I won't have anything left to get in December! 

Oh, and on my ride home, I was completely creeped out. Cruising by myself, that is, alone in Betty Blue, in the dark, with the radio blasting. Guess what comes on the radio? That's right, Tom Petty's, "American Girl." So, I crank it and start to sing it out, and then this eerie feeling comes over me. Deja vu. It seems as if this same scenario has played out before and had a terrible ending. And then, it hit me! BUFFALO BILL! Catherine Martin was driving alone, in the dark, blasting and singing "American Girl" just before Buffalo Bill kidnapped her and took her to his creepy ass basement and threw her down in the hole and told her "It puts the lotion on its skin." So, naturally, I ran from the garage to the side door of the house as quickly as I could. I saw BB's image staring out at me from the empty foreclosed house next door. Oh, God, why can't I open this damn door faster! Finally, I made it in the house and my kittens were there to greet me. BB was only in my head. I was safe at home. Flashy the bat slayer would protect me.

Speaking of kittens, last night I had a dream that Bori Cat was a human. I dreamed that Doug found him abandoned in an apartment, just like in reality, except this time he was a little blonde hair and blue eyed baby boy. Also in this dream, Marla (aka Mike Walls) made an appearance. He was in a hardcore metal band and they were playing a gig at a pool in Cincinnati. Oh, and this pool where Marla was playing also had a gift shop. I left human BC out in the pool under the supervision of the heavy metal band (hope this isn't an indication of how my parenting will be), and went to look for a chicken whatnot for my mother for Christmas. I found a little chicken and it cost $5.00, so I decided that was a decent price for a wooden chicken and bought it. I remember removing my notebook from my purse and checking Mom off of my Christmas list. Then, I woke up. Talk about goofy dreams!

Well, I finally got my family stories typed up and sent into my professor. I sure hope she thinks they are as hilarious as I do! I had a fun time collecting them, and hope more come my way. I'll end this blog with one of these tales. Hope you get a kick out of it.

William Cornett Arrives in Kentucky

Before moving to the hamlet of Dwarf, the Cornetts were settled in Sassafrass in Leatherwood, Kentucky. William Cornett, the first Cornett in the lineage of Cornetts who eventually settled in Dwarf, first came to Kentucky in the late 1790s. The Cornetts may look like a scrappy bunch, but one thing’s for certain, they love to eat. So, it is not surprising that the reason this Revolutionary War veteran ventured out of his hometown in Henrico County, Virginia to Kentucky was to hunt for food! He had heard tell of plentiful game in the region, so he recruited his friend, Gideon Ison, to come along and the men headed for Kentucky.

Now, around this time, Kentucky went by another name, “Kaintuck,” which, if you know your J.R. Cash, you know Kaintuck was referred to by Native Americans as the “dark and bloody ground.” Perhaps William and Gideon weren’t aware of this fact, or perhaps they simply thought the benefits of fresh game in their belly outweighed the risk of being scalped. At any rate, after four or so days of travel, the men ended up at the mouth of Beech Fork on Big Leatherwood in Perry County Kentucky.

Once they had assembled their camp site, William decided to cut down a beech tree. His plan was to return within the next few months to see if the tree seasoned, and if it had, this would indicate that the seasons and growing patterns in Kentucky were similar to Virginia. Thus, he would be able to grow the same types of crops here if he was to relocate his family, which he ultimately did.

The next day was full of hunting and exploring. The men decided that in order to cover more ground, they should split up, so they headed out in opposite directions. It wasn’t long until Gideon happened across a camp site where a fire had recently been burning—it was a Native American campground. Gideon Ison turned right around and high-tailed it back to camp. Once he arrived safely back to camp, Gideon was faced with a dilemma: wait for William or hit the trail back to Virginia; he decided to give William until dark to make it back.


It was practically dark and still no sign of William. Gideon hopped on his horse and started of for home, when he saw his friend walking toward camp. He got down off his horse and greete William with an embrace, “Where have you been?” Gideon asked. “I’ve been getting supper,” William replied, as he lay down the deer he had killed, “What’s gotten into you, Gid? Where were you headed on your horse?” Gideon had to confess to his friend that he was fixing to take off for home. He described the campground he had come across and told William that he thought for sure the Indians had already scalped him! To which William replied, “Damns to hell if I didn’t see one’s head stuck over a log today! I walked by as if I didn’t see him, and when I got far enough away, I took off running! I looked back to see if he followed me, but all I saw was him running full speed in the other direction!”


Not wanting to stick around to see if the feller William had come across had gone back to get friends, the men decided they would load up camp that night and head on back to Virginia before their blood was on the ground of Kaintuck.


William eventually made his way back to Kentucky (no one knows if he ever checked to see if the beech tree he cut down on his previous trip had seasoned) and permanently took up residence in Sassafrass Hollow. The Cornetts lived there for four generations (William Jesse + Rhoda Gilliam [and after Rhoda’s passing, and with her final last words being of encouragement to do so, William married Mary Everage]; John + Rachel Smith; Robert + Adeline Brashear; and Manton + Julia Godsey). The custom at the time was that the youngest son of the family would inherit the homestead in return for caring for the old. George Washington Cornett, son of Manton and Julia, was not the youngest child, so decided to leave Sassafrass Hollow and settle elsewhere when it was time for him to take a wife and leave the family homestead. George Washington married Isabelle Ritchie and established a homestead in Dwarf, Kentucky. Since George W.’s big move, the Cornetts have resided in Dwarf for four generations and counting.

The End

P.S. After researching my family tree, I found that I am related to George Washington Cornett, Jefferson Davis Taulbee, and Andrew Jackson Taulbee!