Sweet life

Before bed...a list of things that made me smile today:

*A handsome husband (and his scratch hagginess)
*A goofy cousin (and his claims to see the future through his dreams)
*Friends who make work enjoyable (even at the expense of others)
*Snappy tomato pizza buffet

Anilame

Doug is watching the dumbest movie ever. Anime. "You weasels!" It could be worse I guess, it could be Ultraviolet. That was a terrible movie, my friends, but a good movie going experience. The crowd was laughing hysterically and exclaiming, "What the hell?"

"Hello? Cody? Are you alive?" Cody collapsed approximately 20 minutes after returning from Wild Wednesday at Superbowl. He had been awake for over 24 hours and was delirious. Cody, the boy who usually says about 10 words total in one day, was singing, dancing, and posing for pictures whilst bowling. It started this morning when he greeted me on my way to the shower, "Good morning, Allison! How are you?" Continued as we left for work, "Have a wonderful day at work, guys!" And progressed when I got home, "Why, Allison, I didn't know you were home!" After I chased a cat in my tomato plants, he explained, "Oh that kitty was sleeping on the porch today. I watched him through the window while I was eating skittles and drinking Mt. Dew." And the queen mother of all antics, as he lay in the floor of the living room, he hollers "Bah. Bah. Beans. Can you hear that echo? Balls. Balls. Bean. Boob. Can you hear it?" There was no echo. The boy had lost it.

Toot my own horn.

I've been looking at people's wedding pictures online, and I'm just gonna go ahead and say that mine and Doogie's wedding was so much better than theirs. I had the prettiest groom, most gorgeous bridesmaids, prettiest dress, most beautiful flowers, yummiest cake, best guests, I mean, it was spectacular. Some of the photos I was checking out on facebook, Lord God, there are some ugly grooms! Hideous flowers! Tacky gowns! And I bet they spent triple what we did. Of course, the ugly grooms cann't really be fixed with cash, but, damn, they needed me as their wedding planner.

Toot! Toot!

The Animal

At Aunt Eunice's funeral, Boomer met her Great Uncle Anmer for the first time. Below is part of the conversation that followed:

Boomer: Uncle Anmer, I hear they used to call you "The Animal" 'cause you were so wild. Is that true?

Amner: I reckon, and they used to call me a lot worse, too!

Boomer: I met your daughter today.

Anmer: Who? Joy?

Boomer: No, Rose. She is really nice.

Anmer: Let me tell you one on her. I was at old man so-and so's funeral back about 3 years ago, and she comes up to me. She says, "Do you know who I am?" And I said, "Why yeah, you're Bruce Fletcher's girl." And she got real serious like and said, "No, I ain't. I'm your girl." [Anmer cackles] Now, that was a new one on me!

Just do it, Doug!

You blog for yourself. Sure it's neat to have people read it and exciting to get a comment (especially if it's from your husband), but truly blogging is for you (that is, me). I like to blog about silly things that I do or see or think. Funny happenings. Exciting revelations. New experiences. Things I can document now and come back and enjoy again a little ways down the road. Blogging is like a memory book, but better 'cause I don't have to glue pictures to construction paper!

Did you read the paper? Did you hear the news? Did you see her facebook status? Eller Anne is having a girl! Harper Delilah Thornsberry. I still can't process that she is having a baby. It's so trippy. We are old!

Cody said I look like an old lady. Is that true? I need to be more fashionable. Today I was thinking of what I would wear to work tomorrow and I thought I might wear my Where the Wild Things Are t-shirt. I am a 26-year-old professional and I am contemplating wearing a Where the Wild Things Are t-shirt to work. It sounds bad when I write it and say it aloud, but it's a cute t-shirt! Paired with a little skirt and a cardigan. Not too bad, is it? I wonder what Stacy and Clinton would say. They would throw my entire wardrobe in the trash. All of my converse, suave t-shirts, down the tube.

Flashy...

...is sitting right next to me. He loves to blog. He wants the world to know that he says, "Meow, meow, mew, meow, myow, mew."

Question:
Why does time at work seem like forever but time at home seem so short? Also, is Friday the weekend or a weekday? Maybe Friday until 5 counts as a weekday, but after 5 it's considered the weekend? I need to know for dietary purposes.

The purpose of life is to love, and I can confidently say that I am fulfilling that purpose. I love my little Flashy with all of my heart.

Teenagers

I hate teenagers. A group of them are sitting at the island in front of Greenup. They keep hollering the F word. They are so cool. They are ruining my porch swinging atmosphere. I hate teenagers.

New things

New things I've experienced/am experimenting with in these past few months:

Marriage (that's a big one)
Grad school
Working in a museum
Lots of new movies (including classics such as 16 Candles and The Exorcist)
Short hair
Photographs
Blogging
New recipes
Vegetarianism
Cookbook making
Had fun at a Reds game
Saw MC Hammer

I can't wait to add more to the list. On queue for the upcoming months/year:
KISS
Candle making
Graceland
PARIS (*sigh...someday I'll make it there)

Facebook

Isn't it weird to go on facebook and see people you've known forever but now don't seem to know at all? You check out a profile of a girl who, when you were in high school, was going to be you friend til the end. You see she's married, has babies, has this whole wonderful life, all of which happened without you around. Strange how people come into our lives and leave just as fast. I miss some of them. I'm glad to see some of them go. But they were all characters in this movie of my life, and that is a pretty nifty thing to ponder.

Ponder...'pon my honor. :) Another Pappawism. I miss him. I'm always looking for him when I go home. When I go through the door at Mommaw's, I'm waiting to hear him holler at the Beetle, or see him take off 'round yonder to tend to his crazy sisters.

Boomer and I are sisters. :) Not really, but mostly. Did you know that my mom said Boomer's mom was the "sister-in-law I can't get rid of." Boomer's mom was married to my mom's brother and years later married my dad's brother (aka Unc). You might be a redneck if you get remarried and have the same in-laws!

Lawsy me! My mom just told me that my family members (dad's side) are mad because I didn't invite them to my wedding. I have been married for 2 months. They are just now worried about not getting invited? Good Lord, you can see why they weren't invited. Bunch of moron rednecks. I can't even imagine. My perfect day would have been a nightmare. Farting at the table, followed by exclamations, "Shoot low, Sheriff, I'm coming through!" Them people ain't been out of the holler in decades. Did they honestly think I was going to invite them to my wedding. Good grief! They know I hate them.

Them Millers are gone! You know who I'm talking about. My crazy Covington redneck neighbors. They're about as bad as the Joneses, but better 'cause I ain't related to them. Anyhow, their house is being foreclosed, so they are history! I'm so glad I don't have to talk to or look at them any longer. Or see them trample through my yard because walking on the side walk means more time elapses until the next 40. They could be pretty funny, though. Especially that skinny one! I loved when he would come talk to Doogie. Hahahaha! You couldn't even understand a word he was saying. Lord, I just hope whoever ends up in that house is better and not worse.

BC

helps me write my blogs.

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Codar & BC

are BFFs.

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Cooking with AlliG

No bake cookies. They look like poo, but they taste wonderful!

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Cooking with AlliG

Egg salad.

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Codar Cornett

"Why is water so magical?"

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Naaaasty

Wolfman.

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Jr. Chzburger Deluxe

Dear friends,

I had a Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe at Wendy's tonight. It was delicious. I feel like a cheat, but I miss cheeseburgers.

Yours,
Allison

Coney Island

Me and Cody in line for a terrible ride. I thought it was going to fall apart in mid-spin. The whole time we were on here, so kid was screaming, "We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"Doogie at the pony express.

Codar could hardly fit in the school house.
Sippin' on our Icees.

Doogie and Codar on the paddle boats.

My Doogie

"These things I give to you today, and all the days of our life, because you're the best friend that I ever had. I've been with you such a long time, you're my sunshine. And I want you to know, that my feelings are true, I really love you. You're my best friend."

I have the best husband in the world.

Catman

Paint me up! KISS at Riverbend, July 30th.

Poopy

Quote Codar:

"There's so much flavor it's outstanding!"

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Why do we care what other people think of us? I find myself bent out of shape sometimes because someone doesn't like me or something about me. Why do I care? Why do I let the thoughts of others, who I may not even like or have any type of relationship with, bother me? Today, I am taking a stand. Today, I say eff those guys. I'm happy with me and my life, so I'm not going to let some jerk bring me down. What do they know? They're just miserable toads who want to make everyone else miserable. Not this ole gal! I'm turning over a new leaf! Time to only care about the opinions of those whom I respect. If I respect them, then they respect me, and they would only say nice things about me, because I don't respect jerks. Now, I don't believe that last sentence made a lick of sense!

Since as long as I can remember, my Pappaw always had goofy little sayings, Pappawisms. Here are a few:

Plime blank

You tell 'em come on, Clabe and 'em

When I was young and eatin' a tater, I fooled around with the wrong tomater.

Whenever you swallow a bubble, it won't give you any trouble, if you only swallow the bubble that gave you all the trouble!

(As he dug through the fridge): Gonna make me a salat (salad)! S-A-L-A-T!

(As he was pulling out of the driveway): Is it cler (clear)? C-L-E-R!

Had a little mule and his name was cow, put him in the barn but he didn't know how!

(After the phone rang): There's the foam.

(As he brought the car to a stop): Whoa, big feller, whoa whoa!

(Pet names for Mommaw): Beetle, my little dough beater

Name for women: Dough beaters

Gustatory- of or pertaining to taste or tasting. I like that word. It seems as if it fits into my life. I think a lot about food. I think of food a lot.

Lots of books I want to read, but next on my list is Eat, Pray, Love. I think it is going to be a good one. It may even help me get out of this weird funk I've been in lately. I've been looking for a fun, inspirational book, maybe this will be it.

I think I'm going to be a weekday vegetarian. I've grown weak as time has passed (it's been over a month) and I find myself craving a big juicy bacon cheeseburger. I don't have to have meat every day, but when you start thinking you're not allowed to have it, you want it even more, so maybe a burger on the occasional weekend won't be so bad. Life is short, eat a cheeseburger if you want!

I want to pulverise my brother. He is a punk. I drove 4 hours to pick him up Saturday, and he didn't even come home with me. He's done. I'm tired of fooling with the brat. I do a pretty good job with ignoring folks (when they become dead to me) and holding a grudge. It's not healthy, but I'm good at it. I hope he's ready to face the consequences of dissing his sister. As long as I ignore "Past Dilly" (that's how I refer to him when he was good) and remember the a-hole version, I should be set. But he is my one and only brother, so we shall see.

See, the thing is, you don't get to choose your family. You're stuck with the one you got forever. Maybe someday my brother will wake up and GET A GRIP, as Steven Tyler says.

Says Mommaw, "You look pretty this morning!" What a precious woman! Wish I didn't live so far away from her. I very much enjoy hanging with the Beetle, with Pappaw's little dough-beater. The agend for this weekend included: trash talking, gossipping, craft perusing, a trip to Pizza Hit, watching the Reds, story telling (see The Man and his Stud below), and rummaging recipes. I wish I could visit with her every day.

The Man and His Stud as told by Mommaw

Well, we went down to Wolfe County for an estate auction with Unique. And I swear, if Bethel didn't embarass me to death. He was riding around Campton on an old horse. Now, that horse was a stud and it was used to gettin out for one thing only, so when it got out, it thought it was gonna get that thing. (Holds hands apart to show length) It was about like that. I was ashamed to be there. He sniggered and said, "Ah, just hit it in that old thing and it'll go back in!" Can you believe that? He said he was going to have to take it out behind the courthouse and give it a whippin. It wasn't the horse's fault!

Laziness

I've always wanted to collect stories from my family members and turn them into a book. Why haven't I done it? Someday when I'm old and can't remember all these stories, I'm gonna wish I hadn't been so lazy and had written them down. Much like my dream journal I thought about composing. Well, until I get up the gumption to start either, I will just blog about both. Maybe someday I'll go through my blogs and print those out and have a neat little book of nonsense.

Nonsensical, whimsical, magical stories. I wish I could write them, but my mind just flurries. I cannot for the life of me create clever content. My mind just generates junky gibberish.

Since when...

did they start making graham crackers out of gold? 2 for $7 is a deal? In the words of Tasha B., "What the what?"

test blog

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Codar

enjoying the Reds game!

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The slip-up.

Children, don't get upset, but I cheated on my vegetarian diet last night at the ballpark and had a big red smoky. Hand to God, it was the best dang dog I've ever eaten in my life. As it should have been, considering the sucker cost me $5.25.

Another reason why...

I am exploring vegetarianism.

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How can children be sweet then turn into heathens within a matter of months? Can they change that much from Easter to July? What about teenagers? One day your brother is an innocent, charming little feller and the next, he's a royal pain in the arse. Are we always changing like this? When do we finally morph into the person we are, will be? Some folks say that I've changed from the person they knew me to be in high school or college. Have I? It doesn't feel like it. I mean, I've obviously matured, embraced womanhood, become a professional, got married, bought a house. I'm not the same girl I was then, I've grown up, but essentially all the fixin's of old me are still present. I talk the same. I tell the same lame jokes and stories. Wear the same dorky t-shirts. Listen to the same music. Laugh the same. Love the same people (minus a couple, add a lot more). Watch the Wildcats. Vote Democrat. I still read. I still write. I still sing opera music as loudly and as horribly as always. I still wear canvas converse. And I'm still deathly afraid of snakes, slugs, and Michael Myers. Maybe I haven't changed. Maybe they have!

They have hotdogs at Great American Ballpark and I might just break down and eat me one. Would the vegetarian gods forgive me for one slip-up? I mean, is it legal to go to a ballpark and NOT get a dog? It has to be un-American at the very least. What will happen to my stomach if I consume a hotdog? I haven't eaten meat in over a month. Will my stomach be able to digest cow hooves and intestines?

It got in my unders.

Yesterday, Cody, Doug, and I were made aware that Marc, "Had to poop so bad it got in his unders" and that he "had to poop so bad it was yellow." We were all disgusted and puzzled. Who calls them unders? And the yellow thing, in the words of Cody, that was taking it a little too far.

Think back to a far away time...to a preacher turned hip-hop artist who sported genie pants and suave hairdos. Think back to 1990 to a dude who was too legit to quit (hey, hey). Yes, I'm talkin' Stanley Kirk Burrell, Mr. MC Hammer himself. Gonna go see him tonight at the Reds game. You jealous? I knew you would be.

Boomer said if I made a sign it would be captured by the video crew at the ballgame. She says to make a sign saying HELLO to Beetle or something about Dwarf, KY. Boomer doesn't understand, that the cameras can't even zoom in on where we'll be sitting, we'll be so high in the nose bleed section! Oh well, should be a good time if I don't die of a heat stroke. Maybe Votto will hit a homer and I'll catch the ball! Pictures to come.

Yesterday, I wished it was fall already, and last night I had a dream that it wa snowing. I was at my Mommaw's house, it was coming a blizzard, and were were all sitting out on the patio in the snow. I thought to myself, "Allison, you brought this on us. You were the one who wished for cooler weather!" I replied to myself, "But, I just wanted it to be fall! I didn't want it to snow! I only want it to snow of Christmas! Not now! I wanted fall! I wanted sweaters and pumpking patches and gingerbread and cider and black cat decorations and candy and Halloween and piles of leaves and scary movies!"

I can no longer watch movies with gratuitous violence. They just make me feel awful, and I just want to turn off the movie and find something better to watch. I guess it makes sense. Why would you want to watch something like that in the first place? Why woudl you want to watch something that makes you depressed or feel awkward or scared? I'd rather watch something funny or romantic. Something with Julia Roberts or Billy Crystal. Something that makes you smile! I blame this new emotional reaction to movies with gratuitous violence on my tenure at the Freedom Center. Working 4 months in that dadblamed Lynching Photography exhibit has warped my mind. Why, justthe other day I was doodling and ended up with this distorted-looking head and it creeped me the hell out and made me have flashbacks to some of those grotesque pictures from the exhibit. I immediately ripped that page from my notebook and tossed the S.O.B. in the garbage. Good grief! I just don't understand how people could be so cruel to one another. Bunch of ingrates! Burns me up!

"Up on the housetop reindeer paws/out jumps good ole Santy Claus/ down through the chimney with lots of toys/ all for the little ones' Christmas joys!" Oh, Christmas! Please do come soon (but not until I have thoroughly enjoyed my second favorite season/holiday--fall/Halloween)! I have already purchased 3 Christmas presents. I am so proud of myself. Now, the real test comes: Will Allison, who usually makes Doug open his presents early because she is so impatient, be able to keep this presents from those who they will be bestowed upon until Christmas? Soon, Doug will finish my upstairs close, and I shall hide the presents there (except, not yours Doug). I'll be like Aunt Eunice and get me a box to put them all in. Unlike Aunt Eunice, I promise to not purchase used gifts from the "Catholic Store." However, Aune Eunice's gifts were never a let down. I mean, where else can a woman get a Classic Rainhat?

Herbal enhancement

I was reminded today of great words passed down to me from a very spiritual man:

"What'd Unc always say, they's money in real estate and medicals."

NOTE: Unc jammed to Jefferson Airplane whilst tripping on hallucinogen in my bedroom. Yes, I was about 11 at the time. Doesn't every 11 year old have to give up their bedroom for the couch in order to help out Unc?

Delicious!

Grape tomatoes from our mato plant!

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Peppy!

Look! Our little pepper plant produced a pepper. I'm so proud!

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Supper

Yum! A delicious veggie burrito!

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Still going.

I've been keeping to my new eating habits. It's been over 3 weeks now. I think I am grower weaker as time passes. Last night, I had a dream about a cheeseburger. "Why don't you just eat a cheeseburger?" You might ask. Oh, heck, I don't know. At this point, I've held on too long to quit. I don't want to quit anyway. I like trying to think up new meals and experimenting with neew recipes. It's fun! Here's a recipe I intend to try out at the taco bar:

Fruit Salsa and Cinnamon Chips

Ingredients:

2 kiwis, peeled and diced
2 Golden Delicious apples - peeled, cored and diced
8 ounces raspberries
1 pound strawberries
2 tablespoons white sugar
1 tablespoon brown sugar
3 tablespoons fruit preserves, any flavor
10 (10 inch) flour tortillas
butter flavored cooking spray
2 cups cinnamon sugar

Directions:

In a large bowl, thoroughly mix kiwis, Golden Delicious apples, raspberries, strawberries, white sugar, brown sugar and fruit preserves. Cover and chill in the refrigerator at least 15 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Coat one side of each flour tortilla with butter flavored cooking spray. Cut into wedges and arrange in a single layer on a large baking sheet. Sprinkle wedges with desired amount of cinnamon sugar. Spray again with cooking spray. Bake in the preheated oven 8 to 10 minutes. Repeat with any remaining tortilla wedges. Allow to cool approximately 15 minutes. Serve with chilled fruit mixture.

Barring any unforseeable complications, I will be getting my hair chopped off today. Short. Really short. Think college, freshman year short. I don't think anyone other than Doogie supports this change. Oh well. Time for something new. A new look! A new adventure!

Adventure awaits around every corner, you have to seize the day, my friends. Sometimes my life seems pretty boring, but once you think about it, it's not. Who else could say they spent the 4th of July visiting the center of the universe? I had lunch with a doctor who told a wild tale; I picked up a genuine hand-sewn baby quilt; I drank milk from a Mason jar; I watched some crazy goomers shoot fireworks and survived to tell about it; I helped wage a war against an angry swarm of yellow jackets; and I watched a little frog and a blind dog become friends.

Dacian & Codar

Are mega dweebs. I torched my fingers cooking them supper and they don't even care. I miss evenings with Doogie. He loves and appreciates me.

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Had a little mule and his name was cow.

Bob and Bethel on Kathy
Pa Jim came through the door holding little Kathy who was just born. He came to introduce her to her big brother, Bobby, and her first cousin, Bethel, both around age 7. Pa Jim unwrapped baby Kathy, “Boys, what’ll you give me for her?” to which Bethel replied, “I wouldn’t give nothing for it. Why, it looks just like old Liz Fletcher.”

Liz Fletcher was a wrinkly old woman who lived down the road from Bethel.


James Elmer “Bud” Taulbee
Mommaw’s brother was named after their dad, James “Jim,” and Uncle Elmer. As a little boy, when asked what his name was, Bud would reply, “Jim Taulbee and Uncle Elmer.”

Greenbeans

In southeastern Ky, salt bacon must be added to your greenbeans.

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Great Grandpa

My Great Grandpa's pet name for his wife, my Great Grandma, was "Goose shit."

Glenn: There was even a Christmas present under the tree for "Goose shit" one year.


Great Grandpa, Mommaw, and Anthony at the dinner table:

Anthony (eating mashed potatoes off a plate with the presidents on it uncovers Herbert Hoover): Look, mother, it's Herbert Hoover.

Mommaw: Yes, he was the 31st president. Have you studied him in school? Can you tell me what he did?

Great Grandpa: Nothin. He ain't done nothin. I've lived under 6 of them old devils and ain't none of them done a thing.

Dwarf, Ky Welcomes You!

I made it home! After a short stop at Qdoba, Doug and I finally made it to Dwarf. Now I am sitting here watching TruTv with Mommaw. How in the world does she not have nightmares after watching this stuff all night? Shew...I must be the world's biggest wimp! Great, another episode! "Edith Ann Hanes was dead before the fire started. Would her lover get away with it?"

It is time for bed folks. As always Mommaw outlasts me, but I can't help it. I am worn out! Goodnight folks. Dwarf pictures coming soon.

Ky. Man Survives Bear Attack At Red River Gorge - Cincinnati News Story - WLWT Cincinnati

This guy is a moron.

Ky. Man Survives Bear Attack At Red River Gorge - Cincinnati News Story - WLWT Cincinnati

Wednesday night's dinner.

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Thursday night dinner.

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You wanna go where everybody knows your daddy's name.

I'm heading to Dwarf this weekend for the 4th of July. Not only am I excited to see my family, but I am also stoked to see my long lost high school buddies. When I leave Mommaw's house to meet them in town, she will ask who I'm going to meet, to which I will reply, "Jeanie and Sara, Amos Hamblin's and Steve Barker's girls."

There are a million girls at work who are preggo and I feel that I have given too much talk and time to this topic for the past week. Why, just today I walked by some broad who looked like she was about to explode (hand to God, she's bound to be having sextuplets), and I thought to myself, "There is a human growing in her belly. At this very moment, a human is within a human, just hanging out in there. Chillaxin. Su-Chin would say, "It has fingernails!" Does that not blow your mind? And also make you a little nauseated? I'm glad my besties will be going through this ordeal before me (one currently preggo, one who will most likely have the condition before I). They need to be able to help me through this mess. I'm definitely not ready, thank God I still have a while. Is 3 to 4 years enough time?

Time for a new topic. Let's talk about food, you know it's my favorite topic. I didn't make the chowder tonight. Best friend made it and she said it tasted funky, so I decided I shouldn't try it. As it is, I have no talent for cooking soups, so I may as well not attempt something that even if done correctly may taste like poop. So, I made fried taters, mac & cheese, and seschuan green beans. Pretty good. Tomorrow night we will eat on the road as we head for the mountains of southeastern Kentucky.

Kentucky Fried Chicken is out of the question, but surprisingly there are a great number of eateries that are herbivore friendly. Forget Wendy's, my old haunt sucks for the vegetarian. Their $1.29 side salad does NOT hit the spot, I guess that's why it's only $1.29. (Side note: Sitting out on the front porch...a little dude just cruised by on his big wheel. Cute.) Now, Chipotle, Qdoba, any Mexican joint, Indian buffet, BababBarleycorn's, Panera, and even the China Buffet all have delicious vegetarian options (the best being Qdoba). We can still eat out, just can't do fast food, which is good, I guess.

I guess it's time for me to hush. Good night!

p.s. The picture is of the Dwarf Kentucky Post Office.