a snickerdoodle & beer

happy new year!

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They say it's your birthday! Well, happy birthday to ya!

Best birthday ever! Despite having to work, my birthday was fantastic! Thank you to all of my beautiful friends who made it special, and to my handsome husband for doing the laundry, taking Betty Blue to her appointments, the tripod for my camera, the margarita at Longnecks, and dinner at Mellow Mushroom. What a lucky gal I am! It's good to have such awesome people in my life!

Snuggie

I need a Snuggie for work. (Doug Bear, don't even mention that stupid blanket I purchased from Wal-Mart.) It is so freaking cold in our office that at times, I feel as though my frozen fingers will break-off whilst typing. Why do they insist on keeping it so cold? Ugh. Maybe someone will bring a Snuggie to the white elephant exchange and I will claim it! Victory will be mine.

Mine and Doogie's Christmas was very merry. How was yours? The festivities started on Wednesday, December 22nd. On this day, we took off for the center of the universe. We arrived at our destination around 9 o'clock. Beetle was up waiting on us. The next morning, Doogie had to work from home, and I had to take Beetle to Wal-Mart. (Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Wal-Mart? Good grief! Have you ever seen the likes that frequent that god-forsaken store? The other day we went to Wal-Mart in CVG, and I had to think really hard to determine if I was in Hazard or CVG. People may rag on the ole 'Zard, but let me tell you, there's some rough-lookin' folk in ole Fort Wright!) Anyhow, Beetle and I set out for Wal-Mart at the crack of dawn in hopes of beating the crowd. Thank goodness we did! We were in and out in less than an hour! That has to be some sort of record. We split up to cover more ground quickly. Once we got out of that hell hole, we had to hit the liquor store. Bet you would never think that, huh?! Doug Bear was making some soup that called for red wine, which Wal-Mart doesn't sell. (I would've killed for a Kroger.) So, me and Beetlejuice headed out for Village Spirits to get our red wine. Of course, I don't know a darn thing about wine, so I had to ask the redneck cashier what to buy. She was kind enough to put down her Doral Menthol cig to come help me. Gag a maggot. Only in Hazard can you openly smoke your cig while checking out a customer. Makes me sick.

I 'bout got sick driving home on Christmas Eve. It was coming a blizzard by the time we hit Lexington, and guess who was driving...in the dark! Yep, that's right, yours truly. Codar and Doug nearly got to witness a nervous breakdown. I ain't proud of it. The phrases, "I'm going to vomit." "I can't see." "I'm going to cry." "We're sliding! We're sliding! We're going to die!" were muttered a few hundred times while I was behind the wheel. For some reason, Doug was very eager for me to get off at the first exit. I was relieved to hop into the passenger's seat. I cannot drive in snow...or in the dark. Thank the Lord the snow stopped in Georgetown! Oh, and I'd also like to add that we didn't slide. I asked Codar and Doug once I had calmed down. They didn't feel anything. It was my mind playing tricks on me. This is why I stay home when it snows. I'm the person people warn you about. "These damn people in Cincinnati don't know how to drive when it snows." Yep, that'd be me.

Hello. Is your refrigerator running?

Some prank phone calls received at Beetle's residence over the years:

Once upon a time, someone called our precious Beetle and asked, "Are you horny?" Lawsy me! Good thing B.B. the Alien was there to retaliate. He snatched the phone away from Beetle and said so many bad things the devil would've blushed.

People were always calling Pap and Beetle to get money. "Oh, our hospital needs money to keep going." "Oh, the church needs some extra cash for this." "Oh, the democratic party needs your last $4 to do that." Etc. Etc. Etc. Beetle advised Pap not to send any money to anybody:
Caller: Hello, I'm so-and-so with the American Legion Department of Kentucky. Yes, uh, Mr. C., we need your cash for the veterans."
Pap: Call George Bush!

Beetle: Hello.
Prank caller: Hey, baby. I had such a great time last night.
Beetle: Buddy, I don't know who you're trying to call, but I ain't her!

And the timeless classic:

Pap: Hello.
Prank caller: Is this Forrest, Forrest Gump?
Pap: I'm sorry. You have the wrong number. This is the C residence.

Merry Christmas!

I am off to Dwarf today to celebrate Christmas with mi familia. Entonces, back to Covington for Christmas dinner at mi casa! I am so excited! Doug and I already have our tacky Christmas sweaters and they are darling. The turkey is in the fridge thawing. The taters are ready to be peeled and cooked. Oh, the eggs are ready to be deviled. Hooray for Christmas. AND, there will be snow! We're going to have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f****** Kaye!

Silver and Gold!

Tonight, Doogie is going to get educated in Christmas. Yes, boys and girls, for the first time in his Grinchy life, he is going to watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Prepare thyself, Doogles. It is an epic holiday film that will blow your mind!

Florence Y'all

Whenever you're feeling good and hungry...

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Peace on earth

Have yourself a merry little Christmas! Eleven more days, kids. I am so excited, but I wish the Christmas season lasted longer. It is true that I had my tree up & trimmed before Thanksgiving, and I have been buying presents since October, and you know Christmas with the Rat Pack never leaves Betty Blue's cd player, but it's still not long enough. I want everday to be Christmas!

Break out your tacky Christmas sweaters, folks, and wear them to the Gastright family Christmas dinner. December 25, 6:30 pm! Turkey and all the fixins. So excited!

Excited for another Christmas present! Tonight's was a fleece robe. Doogie is the best Santa! Oh how merry! Tomorrow's Christmas adventure: A Christmas Carol at Playhouse in the park. Looking forward to a nice night. Then, Thursday will be the end of the semester celebration. If work would disappear, well, at least 1 particular project, I'd be set! Oh well, bah-humbug to those jerkfaces & feliz navidad a mis amigos!

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Big Weekend

Well, folks, I finally watched It's a Wonderful Life. I liked it! Jimmy Stewart was great, as always. It was a little long, but nice. The only thing is...I wanted someone to sock it to Potter at the end. Miserable old fart! Oh well, I guess that wouldn't have been very Christmassy. Can you believe that Christmas is 2 weeks away!? Unreal! I have all of my Christmas shopping done finally, yet, I feel like I need to get the husband something else. Why does he have to be so hard to shop for? Grr! My tree is beautiful. Of course, all but about 5 ornaments were made by Beetle. She is so precious to me.

To me, Beetle's ornaments are a wonderful gift. They mean so much because she means so much! When I give her ornaments as Christmas presents, I know that the person who receives them will cherish them. I wouldn't give her crafts to any old person, this is why I got so mad at the skanktron of the century, The General's Sister, the last time I was in D-town. Let me tell you, child, she was up there perusing Beetle's crafts with her nasty mullet and her jerkface, "Oh, what should I buy my co-workers? How much are these?" She pointed her gnarly fingers to a little Santy Claus. Papaw's little dough-beater replied, in her sweet voice, "$2." The General's Sister barked, "$2? Okay, give me some of those. I don't like these people, but I guess they're worth $2." UGH! HOW RUDE! I wanted to slap that sasquatch across the face. I wish Beetle wouldn't have sold her anything. Makes me want to cry, someone not appreciating the things she makes. Her little hands. Hours of time spent making such neat ornaments, for some big skank to buy them for people she doesn't like. The nerve. I hope Santa skips her house this Christmas. Old hagzilla. Now I'm mad! My blood pressure is up. My rosacea is flaring up! Next topic, please!

Please watch Just Friends. It's another Christmas flick I watched this weekend. Hysterical. Ryan Reynolds plays this hot shot who used to be a fat dork in high school, was in love with his best-friend, but was never able to leave the "Friend zone." Ten years later her returns to his home town, looking all Ryan Reynolds hot, and tries to get the chick to fall in love with him. I'm sure you can guess the ending. Yes, another corny chick-flick, but it is really hilarious. Watch it.

Spicy chili on a cold day!

Tonight I made some delicious white chicken chili, recipe compliments of a co-worker. Oh, and to make the chili even better, Doogie and I ate our soup from some suave bowls her purchased me for Christmas. That's right, I SPOIL. I got to open a Christmas present early! : )

Cha Cha's White Chicken Chili

Ingredients:

• 1 Tbsp vegetable oil
• 1 onion, chopped
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 4 oz can diced jalapenos
• 4 oz can diced green chili peppers
• 2 tsp ground cumin
• 2 tsp ground cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp dried oregano
• 2 (14 oz) cans chicken broth
• 3 cups chopped chicken breast
• 3 (15 oz) cans white beans
• 1 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese

Directions:

1. Heat oil in large saucepan. Add onion, cook until tender. Add garlic, jalapeno peppers, chili peppers, and spices. Cook about 3 minutes. Add broth, chicken, and beans. Simmer 15 minutes.
2. Remove soup from head. Add cheese. Stir until melted.
   

Popcorn Balls

“Beetle's” Popcorn Balls

Ingredients:	Directions:
12 cups popped corn	Boil molasses, sugar, butter, and water together for 3 to 5 minutes. Remove from heat and add vanilla. Pour mixture over popcorn and coat well. Butter hands and quickly shape into balls. Yields about 20 popcorn balls.
½ cup molasses
¼ cup butter
1 teaspoon vanilla*
1 cup powdered sugar*
2 tablespoons water
*Originally, white sugar was used and no vanilla added. The recipe was updated when the A&P came to town.

When my Mommaw (Alice Taulbee Cornett) was a little girl, popcorn balls were one of her favorite treats! She grew up on a farm in Mary, Kentucky in Wolfe County (about 20 minutes from Red River Gorge). They grew their own popcorn; it grew on a stalk just like sweet corn, so when they did their planting, they would grow a few rows of popcorn right alongside the sweet corn. The family had a corn crib on the farm where they dried and stored the corn until used.

Little Alice even milked the cows and churned the butter that was used in the recipe. (To be fair, she said everyone in the family had a hand in churning, even Pa Jim [Mommaw’s daddy]). She remembers her cows fondly. There was Blackie, Daisy, Mott, and Alice (Pa Jim bought Alice the Cow from Mommaw’s Granny, Leona). Mommaw guesses her granny named it after her because it was to be her cow.

There was no A&P in Mary, so the Taulbees had to trade for molasses. Their neighbors raised sugar cane and made molasses (and sold it at $0.50 a gallon). Mommaw remembers going down to their neighbors’ house and watching a batch of molasses being made. Her best memory is watching the little mule walk around in circles; he was attached to the apparatus that squeezed the juice from the sugar cane. Oh, and aside from popcorn balls, Mommaw explains molasses was mighty tasty with cornbread and butter.

After all the ingredients were gathered, Mommaw’s mother (Virgie) would make the popcorn balls. Popping corn, boiling molasses and sugar, and shaping hot food into balls was not the work for little children. Mommaw said she was fine with her mother doing the cooking, adding that later she was usually the one in charge of the family meals. She was the runt of the family, so while the stronger members were out tending to the farm, Mommaw stayed in and cooked lunch over a coal and wood stove. What kind of supper did a 12 year old cook, you ask? Why, soup beans, cornbread, and fried taters. She even made dessert: wild berry pies. The story of such wild berry pies is one for another day.